Dear Pastor,

I have an issue. I am 21 and I have a child. My child's father is 23. I met him in 2002 and we've been through so much. I broke up with him in 2004 because I was forced into sex by a 'friend' of mine. Knowing myself, I always tell him everything but felt that I had to keep this to myself because I feared him leaving me. I broke up with him instead.

I began losing weight left, right and centre. I cried everyday. I even stopped eating, stopped sleeping, and I started drinking and smoking.

We really loved each other but he was more hurt not knowing the reason why I left him. I even became a pest, calling and sending him text messages every chance I got. I believe it got to the point where I believed he hated me. He's a person who will accept your apology but he won't forgive or forget.

We stated talking again as 'friends', having sex only when he wanted. I didn't care, as long as I was near him. I got pregnant for him. When I found out and told him, he told me he had a girlfriend.

COMPLETELY CRUSHED

That crushed me completely. After being told by his close family and friends that we should get back together for the baby's sake, he neglected the advice. During my nine months of pregnancy I saw him a few times. He told me directly he cannot leave his girl now as she has some issues dealing with and he needed to be there for her. I called it putting her in front of me, which he did.

Our child is now one year old and he's still with her. I have a boyfriend now but we have to sneak around to see each other or to have sex.

We're still caught up in each other even though we have our respective partners. We talk a lot and we still love each other. How do I know this? He has told me a few times that he still loves me. My boyfriend thinks I hate my child's father.

Well, pastor, I want to know what am I to do? Should we reunite for our child's sake or stay with our present persons? I really look forward to your help.

S.W., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear S.W.,

You are fighting a losing battle. This man has told you that he has his girlfriend. He is not leaving her for you. So the question you have asked about reuniting for the sake of the child is nothing but nonsense. This man will have sex with you as long as you allow him to do so.

Although you have a boyfriend, you are still sneaking round with him. But at the same time, you are giving your boyfriend the impression that you hate him.

You are not honest with yourself. For your own sanity, I would urge you to end the intimate relationship with your child's father. In plain words, he does not want you. He doesn't see you as wife material. Just insist that he supports his child.

Pastor