Dear Pastor,

I am a American woman who has fallen in love with a Jamaican man. He is eight years younger than I am. In the beginning I kept a distance from him because of the age thing. However, he persisted and assured me that age did not matter. So, reluctantly, I gave in.

He became my world. He was so kind and understanding. After about six months he expressed to me that he wanted a child some day and I reminded him that I could no longer have children. In the beginning he assured me that this would not be a problem either. Now, after six months he changed his mind and decided that he wanted to see other people.

I agreed for fear that he would cheat on me if I did not let him go. We have been on and off for the past three months and I still love him. But I am afraid to get back into the relationship with him because I still cannot have children, nor do I want anymore. This is a sore topic with him.

During our split I met another Jamaican man who also has kids and he shares many of the same beliefs. We have become close. However, he still lives in Jamaica. We talk all the time but it would be hard for us to begin a serious relationship. However, the feelings that I have for my ex are so strong that if he would commit, I would take him back, knowing he could change his mind at anytime.

Please help and tell me what I should do.

T.T., Las Vegas, U.S.A.

Dear T.T.,

In the first place, you are a grown woman but you are very naive. When this man told you his foolishness about age does not matter, he knew he was lying. He told you what he wanted you to hear. He had two aims and they were to get you to fall in love with him and also to get you to go to bed with him. You allowed yourself to be carried away by his sweet talk and as a result, his objectives were realised. Poor you! To this very day you can't see that this man is not as honest as you thought.

He knew from the very start that he wanted children. You told him that you can't have anymore. He fooled you. He really did. I wonder how many times he got money out of you. He didn't suddenly come to realise that he wanted children, he lied all the way. He wanted your body, he got it, now he has moved on to someone else.

You are going to have to look at the relationship and call it a big mistake. You may not want to call it a mistake. You may want to call it love. Well, it might be love on your part, but it wasn't love on his side. It was trickery. May God help you, darling, to overcome this man.

Pastor