Dear Pastor,

I have been dating an African man and we have a son together. The problem is that he wants me to change too much. He is always insecure about the places I go and the things that I wear. He tries to control my every move.

I am a very faithful woman to him but I am getting tired of his attitude. I cannot say anything to him because in their culture it would be a sign of disrespect.

Please tell me what to do pastor.

A.B., New York, U.S.A.

Dear A.B.,

You have to be yourself. When this man started to go with you he knew the type of clothes you wore and the places you went. He knew what he was getting into. He accepted you. Now that you have a child together, he should not expect you to change. It is wrong for him to try to control you.

On the other hand, you ought to learn to dress modestly, not because of him but because it is the proper thing to do. B-riders are not to be worn on the street unless you are dressing down to 'play mass'. Your underwear should never be seen in public when you are dressed. He should not expect you to dress in African garb or behave as an African. He should respect your culture and you should respect his.

Pastor