Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old female and I have been in an on and off relationship with a man for three years. This man is five years my senior. At first when we got together I loved him and he said he loved me too. After eight months of dating I got pregnant. Thinking that he would be happy, I told him about it and he told me to get an abortion. I was mad and hurt. I told him I would never do that and he told me we couldn't be together.

He left me for about two months and then he came back into my life and said he was ready to be a father. When I was eight months pregnant I lost my baby and at the time he seemed hurt and sad but deep down inside I felt he was happy because he never wanted a child in the first place. For a while I felt like he was the reason I lost the baby and I didn't want to be with him. I started to accuse him of cheating on me and then he told me that he did. I found out that he cheated on me more than once. I was done with him.

I then started dating a new guy who was really good to me and the guy who I was with before found out and called my mom and told her bad things about him.

She wanted me to have nothing to do with the new guy, so I ended it. I started talking to my ex-boyfriend again and he told me that he had changed and he would never cheat on me again but I then started to find out things about him. He has a girlfriend back home in Trinidad and he talks to her every other day. He told me that he still loves her. He only has female friends and he leaves his house late at night to go spend time with them and he tells me that he is only 'smoking' with them.

I don't know why I put up with him. I know I can do better. I know I don't love him but everytime I leave him he doesn't stop calling me and coming by my house. I really don't know what to do to get him to leave me alone. He is really close to my family and friends and my mom really likes him.

This man cheated on me with 10 different women that I know about and I have never cheated on him. Pastor, I want to move on with my life without him in it but he won't let me. What should I do?

T.W., Ontario, Canada

Dear T.W.,

You should talk to your mother straight. You should tell her that she is helping to destroy your life. And although you love her, you would ask her to desist from trying to choose for you. You should tell her that this man has many other women and that you do not love him.

I doubt very much that your mother would try and force you to have a relationship with a man you do not love. Your happiness is important. So tell your mother to tell this man that it is all over. If he continues to disrespect you by coming to your house, tell your mother that you are going to take out a restraining order against him. Be serious about it. Don't just threaten to do it, do it if it becomes necessary.

Pastor