Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column. I think your advice is sound and very well thought out. I am a young professional. In 2001 while in graduate school I became friendly with a very attractive young lady. We would talk to each other on the phone. She was a great conversationalist and therefore it was easy to speak with her. At the time I had a girlfriend.

In 2002, my girlfriend and I broke up. I was very depressed and lonely and I sought the comfort of my friend's arms to help me overcome my pain. We became intimate. She told me prior to that she was seeing a guy in the States and that the relationship was one of convenience. She broke up with the guy. We began to enjoy each other's company more and we embarked on a path to create a life for ourselves as a couple.

As time progressed, I noticed that this young lady's attitude began to change toward me. It was very difficult for us to converse. We would often end up quarrelling over simple things. I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided that I wanted out of the relationship. I told her that I didn't want to live with a woman with whom I quarrel almost every day.

New path

During the time we kept arguing, I started seeing my ex-girlfriend. We were trying to salvage whatever affection existed between us and create a new path. The other girl kept on pleading with me not to give up on her. So much so that my ex-girlfriend told me that this girl really loves me and she thinks that she and I should really try to work things out. I thought long and hard about it and decided to give her another chance.

She went away for a week and left me at her house to stay. While using her computer, her text messaging service automatically came up. I saw a friend of mine and started chatting with him under her username. Not realising that he was speaking to me, he asked her something about someone that she was intimately involved with for over seven years! I was so shocked. All along she was deceiving me.

When she got back to Jamaica I confronted her about what I was told. She denied the whole thing at first but the evidence against her was too overwhelming and so she confessed her pernicious deeds.

I wanted to kill both her and her lover. I hit her, which is terrible. There is a lot of bitterness, Pastor. I have a loaded pistol and I am thinking of squeezing the trigger!

T. M., St. Andrew, Jamaica

Dear T. M.,

You are trying to give the impression that you are such an innocent and upright man, but you can't fool me. You are trying to say that you haven't done anything wrong. You are 'Mister Perfect'. It was your girlfriend who was miserable and caused the both of you to break up. Then this wonderful other girl who was a great conversationalist became your woman and you found comfort in her arms. But after a while she became a pest and both of you brought an end to the relationship.

Oh, oh, then the first devilish girl and you became lovers again. But the second girl won't leave you alone and asked you to stay at her apartment while she was away. And you being so sweet went to stay there because you are such a nice guy. I wonder who you are really trying to fool.

What you did while using her computer was wrong. You pretended that it was this girl conversing to the man on the messaging service. Aren't you ashamed to even mention that to me? No, brother, you are not an upright man. You have a weakness of character. You are guilty of deception. And what was wrong if this girl had a relationship seven years ago? What makes you believe that you are so outstanding or that you are a cut above any other man? No, you are not, sir. You may have an education but you have gutter behaviour.

It is time for you to see yourself and to understand that perhaps the fault is neither in anyone of these girls, but you. Yes, man, you are the problem. You think too much of yourself. You might have excelled in academics but your behaviour is nothing for anybody to emulate.

Pastor