Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship with a man for 12 years. He came to Jamaica for me and brought me to America. The problem is that I know he is cheating on me. One day I went into his car and I saw his phone lying on the seat. I took it up and start flipping through it. I saw text messages with sexual words in it that he sent to a girl he claims is his cousin. I was mad and I decided to leave.

He begged me to stay. It took about two weeks for me to calm down. Last month my phone bill came to over US$300. When I called the phone company they said the line went over the minutes; in addition, he has over 100 text messages. This month my phone bill came to almost US$300 again. I decided to go online and check the calls and do a detailed check of all the calls. I noticed some unfamiliar numbers and when I started calling these numbers they were all answered by women.

One particular number stood out because I noticed he was making calls to this number like 25-30 times in one day, and talking from 8:30 in morning back to 3:30 the following morning, every day. I called the number and a girl answered but I hung up. Soon after she called back but I missed the call and she left a rude message on my phone. I immediately I called back and gave her a proper 'Jamaican tracing'.

I want to leave this man. I am the only one working right now. I know I can leave and my broken heart will eventually mend. It may take a while but I will get over him. But then I don't want to leave when he is down. On the other hand, I don't want this man to give me disease.

I need your advice, Pastor. I am so confused. I know if I leave, his relatives are going to say that I'm ungrateful and they are not going to look at what he is doing to me.

C. G., New York, USA

Dear C.G.,

You have to take care of yourself. This man is behaving as a fool. He has lost respect for you. He is running up the telephone bills and he is not in a position to make any financial contribution to the house. If he won't stop, you should have the phone disconnected and only use your cellphone until he has come to his senses or the marriage has ended in divorce.

Your husband is not wise. You have a very good heart. You don't want to leave him while he is down but you need to inform him that you are prepared to move on if he does not wise up. Everything should be done to save your marriage but if your husband continues to play around, you must indeed protect yourself and sometimes the best things to do is to go your separate ways.

Never argue with any woman who is having an affair with your husband. Wives must behave as wives and don't get in to any cuss-cuss with the girlfriends of their husbands. These girls will insult you and tell you things that you would not like. They may even tell you things that will make you bawl.

Pastor