Dear Pastor,

I am a 47-year-old woman with a slight disability. I am the mother of four grown, well behaved, hard working children of different fathers. I consider myself as one of those few women who do not have luck when it comes to love.

When I tell people some of the things that so called lovers did to me their jaws dropped and eyes popped. Many years ago one of my affairs made headline news. And even though many of my ex-lovers begged for forgiveness and asked to return into my life, I could not take anymore. While living with me, I had forgiven them for normal relationship mistakes, but when things got out of control I drew the line.

Back to square one

I have worked very hard to make myself and my children happy without the help of a father, although I did not own a house. Now, I am back to square one with a different kind of flowing tears. It has been over 13 years since I have put the last man out of my life. In the early part of those years, I did a few dating but I found none to fit my choice to go to bed with. Perhaps it is because I was overly cautious in not getting hurt again. I finally gave up to live a straight single life, working non-stop on my domestic day jobs, until a slight backache slowed me down.

Now, people are saying the nastiest things about me. Last year I had to dump my best friend, a woman in her mid 80s and I am still thinking about taking her to court to clear my name.

Made up stories

She made up stories about me being a lesbian because I refused to marry her nephew who lives in England. I never dated this man who is in his mid 60s and has a few shillings. He seems ignorant that our relationship would not last a day and I won't be with him just because he has money. The first time I saw this man (who has been divorced two times), he exclaimed how much he is in love with me. I believe in knowing more about the person before shouting, "I love you."

Again under the attack from the devil and his armies, I told one of my female employers that I like her dress and that she is a beautiful woman, which in fact she is, as she was a top ten beauty contestant years ago.

Well I did not know that praising someone in that way could inflict such penalty as she spread rumours over the place saying that I was looking her. I started noticing her husband giving me cold shoulders. I eventually stopped working there even though she called me back a few times to work, but I never returned. I still blame myself for not saying something to them about what I heard.

I have stopped working as a domestic helper as I have been treated unfairly and my children are now supporting me. However, staying at home has widened the argument that a woman is supporting me.

This is hurting my children as they strongly know that this is an unfair rumour. Now, I am afraid to say hello or even to go on the street for fear of what people may do to me. I am a very friendly woman to everyone but not so friendly to be a woman's woman.

R.T., Jamaica

Dear R. T.,

You know you are not a lesbian, so do not allow what some people are saying to get you depressed. Don't even ask the 80-year-old lady about what she purported to have said. Only God can deal with those people on your behalf. He can put your enemies to shame without you lifting a finger. Have you learnt to pray?

Pastor