Dear Pastor,

I have a problem with my fiancée. I love her so much and I am very honest with her. I am being faithful to her, but she keeps on making her jealousy overcome our relationship. She keeps on accusing me of things that I am not doing. If she hears a female calling my name, she gets jealous and assumes that we have something going on.

Please, pastor, tell me what should I do?

J. P., Connecticut, U.S.A.

Dear J. P.,

You cannot ignore your girlfriend's jealousy because jealousy has destroyed many relationships. A person who is overly jealous is insecure and often can be described as lacking in confidence in himself/herself. Of course, that person is also sending the message that he/she has no confidence in his/her partner. Jealous people need professional help.

If you really love this woman and would like your relationship to work, tell her that you would only remain with her if she is willing for both of you to go to a family counsellor for counselling sessions. I must warn you, however, that counselling is not a one shot thing and it may take many sessions before both of you would see eye to eye and learn to live in peace.

There are many, many reasons why a person can be overly jealous. Perhaps I should name a couple. He/she might have seen their parents break up because of unfaithfulness and might be scared that the same thing may happen to him/her. Immaturity is another reason. Then there is also the threat that a spouse may leave the other because of the promotion he/she might have received and the circle in which he/she is moving. Sometimes when people gain weight and their spouses are moving around slimmer and sexier persons, they become threatened and very jealous.

Whatever might be the reason your girlfriend is nagging you, both of you should seek counselling.

Pastor