Dear Pastor,

I visited Africa two years ago and I met a man. We became friends. He lives there. After my one-week stay, I returned to Jamaica. I know that he loves me and he has constantly told me that he loves me. I was only visiting when we met. He is not well off and so he cannot afford a ticket to Jamaica. Because I have travelled three times, I cannot buy a ticket for him soon. My love for him is strong and we feel good when we are together. Recently, he sent me a mail saying that we should move on since we have such a long- distance relationship. He says it is not a healthy relationship and he should be seeing someone else although he feels good about me and he still loves me.

I didn't understand. Do you think the man does not love me enough and that is why he decided to see another person?

Moreover, he says that his feelings for me are still alive, but the distance is what is causing the problem. We communicate frequently and each time we talk, his feelings for me are evident, even though he decided to see another person who is closer to him. I didn't stop him even when it hurt me so much. We still remain in touch and we are friends, but I'm worried. It has been over eight months and my love for him is even stronger!

What should I do? He knows it and he says he misses me too, and wished it were different. Should I go after him or just let things flow? I'm beginning to think otherwise. Could this man have been cheating on me all along or is it true that he just needs a companion who understandably is closer to him? But what about me? I'm confused. I love him very much, and I keep hoping that I will get some money and we can be together again.

J.B., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear J.B.,

I believe that you truly love this man. But listen to me. The man is a realist. Both of you are far away from each other and he does not believe that the relationship has a future. Therefore, he is not prepared to fool himself and to give you false hope. I wish more men would be as truthful and frank as this brother. It is not going to work.

Perhaps what you need to do is to go into your room, turn up the radio or television and "bawl". Nobody will hear you while you are crying your heart out, but after you "bawl" out to God and tell Him how you feel about this man, dry your tears, take a shower, stand before the mirror and remind yourself that you are a beautiful woman and someone else will see you and love you and make you his wife. The African man is not for you.

The day may come when you may see him again. He may have his wife and two or three children and you may have your husband with two or three children and both of you may talk and laugh about the brief relationship you had that did not culminate in marriage.

Pastor