Dear Pastor,

Thank you for taking time out to read this letter. I have been having problems with my parents because they say that I haven't been listening to them. I try to listen to them, but I keep making mistakes. Maybe I should try harder.

For example, they told me not to go over to a certain individual's house because they are not good people, but I went over there anyway because I had made an agreement to do something for those people beforehand. My parents always accuse me of being too 'nice' to people when all these people want to do is use me and my parents say that they want to protect me from that. They get really, really angry with me about this.

Many times we misunderstand each other and they don't talk to me for days. When I make a mistake, I always go to them and say that I am sorry and ask them to forgive me. I have asked God to forgive me and help me to do right, and I know he has forgiven me. I feel really guilty that our relationship has gone downhill. I am a Christian, but my parents are not. That is part of the reason I feel such guilt because I should be an example for them.

I feel like the slightest thing that I do upsets them. We used to be so close when I was younger. I am now in my early twenties.

I sometimes see my spiritual and emotional growth as that of a little child trying to walk. Before the child can learn to firmly walk upright, he/she falls down sometimes. However, when they do learn to walk, it doesn't mean that they won't stumble and fall sometimes. But the good news is that they can get back up and try again.

Please pray that our relationship will be restored. I really love my parents and want to honour God by being obedient to them.

I feel like I am failing in this area of my life. Thank you for your response. Please tell me like it is. I like to be corrected because it is through that correction that I can make it.

M. T., St. Catherine, Jamaica

Dear M. T.,

I appreciate that you wish to have a good relationship with your parents, but your parents need to learn to let go. You are not a child. You are an adult, old enough to make your own decisions, whether they are good or bad. Your parents should not behave as if they have a right to control you although you are in your twenties.

The Bible says children should obey their parents, but you are not a child. You will do things that they do not like, but they should respect you and wish you well. Don't try to buy your parents' love.

Try to please God in everything you do. Put him first. Don't do things that will bring the name of God into disrepute. But, don't be too worried about how your parents feel about the decisions you make. Not everything you do will please them.

Pastor