Dear Pastor,

I've been with my boyfriend on and off for almost four years. I believe we are in love as we always find ourselves back together every time we separate. I would love to marry him in the future, but he has some disturbing and disgusting ways that I resent. He is aggressive and often shouts when things are not going his way. At times he would hit me, but I often return the blows as I refuse to allow anyone to beat me down. He also enjoys boasting to friends about our private and personal sex life. I have spoken to him about this, but he just disregards it and says they know I'm his woman so what. I believe that's an immature behaviour for a 24-year-old man.

I also recognise and accept that I have some annoying attitudes that I need to control too. At times when I visit his house, I see it as my duty to search his place and I find pleasure in doing so. I feel insecure because I know there is a possibility that he may be cheating. I also accuse him indirectly and whenever I call him and I can't get him, I curse and I become upset. For this reason, he often calls me miserable and/or a granny. I hate it. He doesn't really give me much financially, but I understand and it doesn't bother me much as I'm aware of his situation. He is currently repaying some loans and he also has a child to provide for.

I would love for us to work out our issues and do some introspection as we strive to become our ideal selves. I would also love for us to build a family with our own children. This is something that I'm hoping will happen soon, as we are not getting any younger in life. However, before this can happen I want everything to be sorted out. We are both working towards our future so we could be comfortable in life.

Pastor, do you think we will make it together or should we just go our own separate ways? Please pray for us and may God continue to bless you as you continue the good work you are doing. You are my role model and I hope to meet you personally in the future.

M.J., Jamaica

Dear M., J.,

In the first place, this man has no right to hit you regardless of what you have done. He is out of order. You say you throw "blows" too. So, you are a fighting couple, not using common sense and are unable to communicate. He has his nasty ways and you have yours. He doesn't know when to shut up. Someone needs to tell him that there are things that a man should not tell others about his spouse. Some men don't even know that they are embarrassing themselves when they talk in the bars or around the omino table, etc. about what they do with their women in the bedroom. Intelligent men laugh, but look at them as fools.

The same is true of silly women. They talk about the number of men they have allowed to have sex with them and what the men did or could not do. It is said that women who chat a lot do so at the hair dressing parlour and so everybody knows everything about them. Some girls even tell other girls at their workplace about the different guys they go out with and what they did over the weekend. But when they have an office disagreement, the very things they said at the office are thrown back at them and their co-workers call them whores. Silly, silly, silly.

I don't know if there is a future for this man and you, but I would urge you to stop searching his personal belongings at this house. A man should not search, neither should a woman. I must encourage both of you to go and see a family counsellor for sessions. During the sessions it will become clear to you whether both of you should stay in the relationship.

Pastor