Dear Pastor,

I have been social friends with a guy from September 2002. He is my best male friend. Now in last year October, I decided to become intimate with him because I started having sexual feelings for him and plus I was getting nowhere with my man of four years at the time. So I started to cheat with this guy and trust me, it was ok because it was nothing too serious. We could talk to each other about relationships and other things. When I visited his home, I'd even wash, cook and clean also because I really respected him and he makes me feel at ease and quite comfortable, which was good because my man made me feel so uncomfortable and miserable (believe me) it was how we loved each other that kept us together so long).

In May of last year, I broke up with my man because I just couldn't take the stress anymore. He found a woman and she could visit him but no man could visit me, because he would just pop up anytime without telling me. After we broke up, we were still having sex (I must admit it was really great) until early August I called it quits because I decided to get serious with the other guy. I had developed feelings for him up to a point where I told him more than once that I love him. Now, the problem is he doesn't talk to me as often as I wish he would. Whenever I visit he is watching television. I cannot talk to him nor do anything and that's bothering me. I am afraid of him in a way that sometimes when I am around him I feel like a fool and I don't know how to prevent him from getting upset.

First child

I have never heard of him with another woman or seen him with any either, so I won't say he is cheating on me. Pastor, I am telling you I love him. I would want to stay with him forever and see what we can make out of life.

I want to give him his first child and to be a family with him. My child's father will soon take him and it's going to be me alone. This man is cramping me up and I honestly love and care for him.

Pastor, I know you may think I am stupid but I am not, I just need him and no one else.

I used to be a sex freak, since I started having sex; I have had sex with almost 40 men. He doesn't know and I don't want him to know just yet. I have changed my ways. Normally, I would not let a week go by and I don't have sex if I am not menstruating.

Since getting serious about him and what I need, a week has passed since I had sex and more will pass if he's not available at the time because of work or whatever good reason.

I tried to leave him this year, but he didn't want it that way so I know he wants me (maybe not as much as I want him). I just don't know what's holding him back. I am a woman who loves to hug, kiss or cuddle with my man. I don't depend on him really because almost every month I get US$100 from my uncle and sometimes it's more and I buy him little gifts when I can. I am not working because I am taking care of my sister's four children, but I am at home planning my career and what I want to do with my life after I stop taking care of my sister's children.

Please, help me, pastor, because I don't know how to reach out to my man and I won't cheat either. I await your reply.

A. O., Portland, Jamaica.

Dear A.O,

It seems to me that your present boyfriend is getting tired of you. Perhaps you are pushing too hard. Perhaps what you want out of the relationship, he does not want. He has not taken this relationship seriously. He doesn't even want to meet your sister. Don't hold out too much hope on this man. It may or may not work and right now I believe he wouldn't care at all if you were to leave him. So, I suggest that you get a positive word from this man without giving him the impression that you are pushing him. You do need to know where this relationship is going.

Before I go, let me warn you to be very careful that this man doesn't get you pregnant. Don't fool yourself into believing that if you have a child for him, he will not leave you.

Pastor