Dear Pastor,

I have a problem that I need your advice on. I am an 18-year-old student who is attending college in the United States of America. I get really good grades and everything is OK with school. A friend of mine introduced me to her best friend who is a guy. He is 27 years old.

She told me that he was a really nice person and suggested that we should go on a date because I seem like his type. I wasn't too sure about the idea and so I went and asked questions about this guy from someone who knew him and would not tell me what they think I wanted to hear. That person also told me that he is a nice person.

Later, I found out that he was a friend of my family so I also asked my mom about him. She was really happy and told me to give it a try. I went on three dates with this guy and he seemed to be really nice. About a month after, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. I was really happy to be in a relationship with this person. We started to spend lots of time together and things were OK, at first, until he started telling me about things I do that he doesn't like. I was really understanding and was willing to make some changes because I really wanted things to work out between us.

Started to change

After eight weeks of dating, he really started to change. He started asking for some space, which I gave to him. He wasn't calling me much at nights and really didn't make time to see me anymore. And when I called him and made arrangements for us to spend time together, it would only be for an hour or so. I tried talking to him about the problems and the only thing he could say is that I talk too much, and that he would think about the things I said.

A week after our conversation, he went on vacation for one week with his daughter to the Virgin Islands, but he didn't call me. I asked him why he didn't call and he said it was not a big deal. A week after he returned, I told him we needed to talk and that he should let me know where I stand. I told him about how I felt and that I didn't like what he was doing to me. He said he didn't think he was doing anything wrong and if I couldn't see past it maybe we shouldn't be in a relationship. I am now still in a relationship with this person; however, things have not changed. I have grown out of love with him because of the things he has done to me.

Please, tell me how I can break up with him without messing up the relationship with our families.

A.K., New York, USA

Dear A.K.,

You should simply tell this man that you do not appreciate the way that he has been behaving and you believe that he wants to end the relationship with you. Therefore, you are making it easy for him by telling him that both of you should go your own ways without any hard feelings.

Pastor