The Jamaica Star :: Tell Me Pastor :: Marriage without a cause

Dear Pastor,

I want you to pray for me. I'm an American married to a Jamaican. We have been married for 23 years. When we were first married, it was a business thing. During our years together, this man has done it all to me. He left me for his grown sons' mother in New Jersey but she sent him back. He came back the next day. Being a fool, I accepted him back. He has always cheated on me.

After we were married in March of 1984, he went back home for six months. He wanted me to send him money, but I did not. I was only working part time. When he came back to America, he was hustling. I was so sick of going to court. He cut his dreadlocks off and got a real job. I suspected that he was having an affair with my friend because I saw her number in his phone book and, up to this day, I have nothing to say to her. He got another young girl, known as the block slut, a job. If I had been thinking then, I would have reported this because she was a minor and he was glad to rub it in my face.

MESSED UP

Now let us get into what is happening now. My husband no longer wears his wedding ring. I took mine off also. I have seen scratches going across his back. He doesn't have enough common sense to know that when he messes with a woman and her period comes, he is not to bring it home on the front of his shirt. He also had scratches on his private parts. He declared his love for his other girl. One night, he took off his ring and threw it across the room. I am wondering why he doesn't move in with her.

Pays the rent

My husband pays the rent and buys the food. He also helped me when I had a car payment. He drinks heavily every night. This really became noticeable when the love of his life in New Jersey sent him back. All of the affection he had for me is gone. He thinks that he can control me by giving me weed or buying it for me.

Pastor, please pray for me, so I can stop this bad habit. I drop him off at the train station on Sundays, and one Sunday I asked him for a kiss. Do you know that he had the nerve to pop his lips without a kiss? And who knows where those lips have been?

Tell me, pastor, what advice do you have for me?

T.M., Maryland, USA

Dear T.M.,

Your marriage was not good from the very start. You didn't love the man and he didn't love you. I regret that I have to tell you that there will never be love between the both of you because what both of you did was to get married for immigration purpose.

All you both do is fuss and fight, and although you have tried to make a go at this relationship, it cannot work because it is not a real marriage. The fussing and fighting will continue because it is not a relationship that is built on love. Both of you smoke weed and blame each other for everything that goes wrong. Both of you need God in your lives and to that end, I will pray.

Pastor