Dear Pastor,

May God bless you with the work you're doing. I have been reading Dear Pastor for the past 10 years. And now I need your advice. I am 26 years old and have been in a relationship with a man for six years. He is my child's father. But the problem is that I'm not in love with him anymore. I am not even attracted to him anymore. I care a lot about him and he's been so great to me that I'm afraid to lose his help and support. I don't want to kiss him, or have sex with him anymore.

I feel really bad to leave him because he's my son's father, but whenever he gets upset or angry, he hits me right in front of our son. He swears and disrespects me when we argue. I've never had a father and he has shown me a father's love. He's 16 years older than I and we have a lot of disagreements. His way of discipline is slapping and yelling at our child and I don't believe that is the way to grow a child because I was brought up like that by my single-parent mom and I think it's wrong to hit a child.

Please give me your fatherly advice. I really need to know what to do at this point. This man wants to marry me, but I'm not ready for marriage or a commitment.

A.N., Rhode Island, USA

Dear A. N.,

I don't encourage people to stay in abusive relationships. No man has the right to beat his wife or girlfriend. Some men have got away with it because some women believe that they will change, but some men never change. Some women have tried counselling and the men have made promises to do better, but often, they go back to their old ways.

On the other hand, some women like to throw the first blows. They rail on men and they try to control their men. They shout at them, call them names and the men retaliate. Whether it is a man who is abusive or a woman, it is wrong. It doesn't help in a relationship. Children who see fathers beating their mothers grow up to hate their fathers.

This man and you are fooling yourselves if you believe that what you are doing is all in the name of love. But if you believe that you should give the relationship another try, go and see a family counsellor, but remember that I have told you that you should never stay in an abusive relationship.

Pastor