Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for many years and I just want to say that you are doing a good job. I am writing to you for your advice. I have been in a relationship with a man for a year and a half, but we have known each other for five years. For three years this man has tried to be with me and I always thought that he was not my type and then one day (a year after the break up with my ex) I decided that I should give it a try. I have always dated the GQ looking men with the fancy cars and who are well educated. When I met my boyfriend I said maybe that way is not always the right way to go.

My boyfriend is more of a dress down person and more laid back and care free. He does not let anything bother him and sometimes I have to wonder if he really loves me the way he says he does. He is not an emotional man and always keeps things inside and never wants to talk about them until he feels like it.

I am 29 years old and he is 42. The problem is that he does not trust me. I have lied to him once about a late night phone call from a male friend. The reason I lied was because I did not want him to get upset. I thought he would have accepted it when I told him that it was my girlfriend calling, instead he went and checked my phone. Before he saw the call I confessed to him that it was one of my male friends. But even before that he was always thinking I am cheating on him because of what his friends were telling him. My boyfriend is a very jealous man and insecure and I have told him time and time again that he does not have to worry.

Pastor, this is the first man that I have been with where cheating is not on my mind and he does not seem to believe that. I have a daughter with my ex that I was with for 10 years and he thinks that I am still seeing my ex. He has a friend who knows my ex who always goes back and tells him things about whenever my ex comes to my house to see my daughter. He always thinks it is something more than that. Things between me and my ex have been over for a long time and things will never resurface between us.

I love my boyfriend very much but his insecurities and jealousy are driving me up the wall. He is always accusing me of something and I am getting very frustrated. Everything else in our relationship is great, but this one problem is the main factor.

Please, pastor, I need your help and advice about what to do. Thank you for your time.

K.T., Canada

Dear K. T.,

You need to be firm with this man. Tell him that you are tired of the argument and the lack of trust. Tell him that you have already assured him that you are not having an intimate relationship with your ex. Tell him that if he doesn't believe you, he is to move on. Tell him if he wants to be at your house when your ex comes to see the child, he is free to come. But he ought to understand that you don't appreciate anyone watching you.

You did not mention your child's age, but her father can pick her up, take her out and bring her back from time to time. He doesn't have to spend all the time at your house when he needs to see his child. On the other hand, your boyfriend should learn not to listen to what people are telling him. He has to behave as a man and not as a boy.