Dear Pastor,

During my first visit to Jamaica in July 2006, I met a guy. I gave him my phone number and he called me regularly long before I decided to call him. I decided to return in October to get to know him better. It was a good visit, but I had doubts in the back of my mind because of his situation. I also returned during May and August 2007 to try to know him more, since he was now calling me his wife. Earlier on, he wrote me beautiful letters telling me how much he needed me in his life and that I was the most important person in his life and I was his future, etc.

This man is 48 years old and so am I. He was deported from the States five years ago. He has a three-year-old son and lives with his sister. He doesn't have a car, but he does have property. He works, raking the beach at a hotel and cutting grass on the side. During my first visit, he took care of lodging and feeding me, but the other visits I paid most of the expenses.

When we are together he constantly talks to his 'girlfriends' in front of me and has mentioned that one whom he lived with here in the States would be welcome to stay with us if she ever was to come for a visit. I knew he had lost his mind when he said that and I told him so. He said I was jealous. Then, when I spoke to his mom, who is here in the States, she told me he is "something else". I can see her reasons behind the statement. The only thing his sister can say about him is that he works hard.

After the last visit, I have asked God to remove him from my head and heart because he was very suspicious of me for no reason. He started arguments about trivial things and he walked out on me. This would be the third time he walked out on me. Long story short, yes, I fell in love with him. I know it takes time, but I want to be free of thinking of him and I can't shake him off. I know he is not what I have planned for in my life, it just happened. I have no regrets because the lesson learned is that now I know what I don't want. But I have to get him out of my heart.

Without even meeting him, my mother was so against this relationship from day one. She said no one can fall in love that quickly and she has never been wrong about things. I sometimes believe she has a direct line to Jesus. She is a good woman.

Pastor, what is your suggestion?

J., USA

Dear J.,

You have already dropped him. You have done the correct thing. To continue having a relationship with this man is to bring extra stress into your life. You deserve a better man. This guy has no manners and he seems to be a playboy.

Pastor