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Husband wants to do nothing with wife

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your advice for a long time. My question is; what should a wife do when her husband doesn't want to do anything with her? I wash, cook and clean. And all he wants to do is stay home on his one day off (Saturday) and go to the grocery store and then home to get drunk. My birthday will be soon and I will be 50. Most women at their 50th birthday want to do something special.

Scratches on his back

I am an American and my husband is Jamaican. We have been married for 23 years and I have never cheated on him. When he took his wedding ring off, I took mine off also. He only started wearing it when I found out that he was cheating. I will give you some examples of how I knew. I saw scratches on his back, a woman (co-worker) calling the house, and his reply was that thing will be tomorrow. Once, we had made plans to go to a hotel on a weekend and he had to go somewhere first on the bus or cab. (He had to most likely go give some woman money first). Which was a real guilt trip as he could not look me in the face in the hot tub, he had to sit next to me. One night in bed he threw off his wedding ring and told me a few things. Weave hair in my car on the passenger's side, negatives of film that needed to be developed under my car seat. Weave hair on his work shirt.

In love with kids' mother

This man has left me twice and ran back home the next day. He left me one time for his babymother in New Jersey. I wish sometimes she would have taken him back. Now, after more than 20 years he is still in love with his kids' mother. She left him in Jamaica to come to the United States of America. Deep down in my heart I know this man does not love me. I seem like his keeper more than his wife. I am supposed to be his queen and he is supposed to be my king.

Pastor, I do love my husband. But in reality there has only been two men who ever loved me. And they are God and my late father. My father was also a pastor who died preaching the word in 2000. And I was always taught that adultery is wrong. I want to feel and know what is so great about cheating. Should I move out, and give him his freedom since he wants to be single?

Pastor, please pray for me and my marriage.

T. N., Maryland, USA

Dear T. N.,

I believe you truly love this man. If you didn't love him, you would have left him a long time ago. You are a very good wife and your husband knows that. He knows also that you know that he is playing around.

I would urge you to impress upon him that both of you should go see a family counsellor. He is doing some foolishness, but I wouldn't encourage you to leave him. He will soon run out of steam. And these women he is running around with will not want him.

Don't wait on him to plan anything special for you. Do your own thing and enjoy yourself. If you want to go see a place, go with your girlfriends. He doesn't know how to make a woman feel special.

Take good care of yourself, darling.

Pastor

 
July 17, 2008
 

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