The Jamaica Star :: Commentary :: The Great Beach Robbery

Jackass sey de worl' no level. Jackass sey we nah look pan a certain side a de beach robbing ting.

You have got to be very ambitious to steal a beach. Think about it. I know y'all have thought about it, but really, really, really think about it again. The people stole one whole beach.

Thinking big

Now that is thinking big. Forget digging out a river bed. Spit at taking up some block and steel from a construction site. Scoff at pinching some scrap metal that was used for something like... hmm... Cable and Wireless service, a bridge or a manhole cover. That is thinking small.

Just steal a beach.

Now Jackass is not making light of the situation or condoning the act, but he can just imagine the person who came up with the plan looking at the expanse of white sand at Duncans a couple months ago and saying 'I want that. And I am going to have it.' I can't help but have a sneaking sort of respect for someone who can think that large.

And we are overlooking the potential of this Great Beach Robbery. There is a helluva movie in it.

But the world is not level at all, because while we are all ranting and raving about this latest incident that really proves that, in Jamaica, life is a beach, we happily watch movies about outstanding and even shocking crimes in other countries.

Heist

Like movies that mention the Great Train Robbery (it is mentioned in the James Bond movie 'Thunderball'), a favourite of many a yard man who loves the old-time flick, that 1963 heist that pulled in £2.6 million. Or the murders linked to Charles Manson in the late 1960s. How we love the chop-up and gore.

Hell, we even love the movies about the American war on Vietnam, from Sylvester Stallone to Chuck Norris, and that was a crime of the highest degree. (And when the Iraq movies come out we are going to lap them up too, you watch, especially if they put a Jamaican with a red, green and gold rifle sling in it).

But when we get the real thing in front of us, we can't see the potential.

But Jackass can see it, in this unlevel world. Shebada would be the main truck driver. Movie Star would be the mastermind and Milk the 'donette'. Candace Buchanan would be the love interest the creep who steals the beach wants to impress and Donisha Prendergast would be a tough cop hot on the heels of the sand stealers. Johnny would be the outraged entrepreneur whose prime property is ruined.

Soundtrack

Now tell Jackass that that movie would not sell off big time!

Hey, has anybody thought that the people who stole the beach may have simply dumped the sand back in the sea elsewhere (if it is logistically possible), just to wedge the project good and proper?

Jackass sey de worl' no level. Jackass sey im waan de director wuk fe 'De Great Beach Rabbry' (with soundtrack mixed by ZJ___ me neva call no name!!!).