Dear Pastor,

I try to read your column daily and I agree with most of your advice. I was introduced to a man by my mother. He seemed to be a great person at that time and I have taken several trips to see this person. The first time I visited him, things were ok. They were not the best, but it was all right considering it was the first time we had met and we came from different worlds, if I may say so. Prior to meeting this man, we would converse two to three times daily. He would send me money in Canada, cards and once he sent me a pair of earrings in the mail, which I thought was really nice of him to do.

Ex-girlfriend

Well, on our first meeting in Jamaica, I visited for almost one month and things were ok. There was the odd time when his phone would ring and his ex-girlfriend would call and tell me off. He told her in front of me, many times to stop calling me and getting me upset because their relationship was over. I continued vacationing and days before I returned to Canada he asked me to marry him and I accepted his proposal. I told him that we will continue working on the relationship to strengthen it before we commit into a marriage. He agreed and I returned home to Canada.

I later found out that he was still sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. I confronted him and he admitted that he did it twice and he was sorry, but he was lonely and didn't want to have sex with someone he didn't know and complained that the distance between us was extremely difficult, which I totally understood because it was hard for me too, but I managed to stay committed. That was something we spoke about before we made such a commitment to each other and he said he would be able to handle it. Only to find out that two months after I left Jamaica, he was messing around on me with his ex-girlfriend who had disrespected me while I was visiting Jamaica. She even went as far as calling my home in Canada to disrespect me again and to inform me clearly that she was not going to leave my man because she was there first.

Got married

Our relationship had it's ups and downs considering it was long distance and this girl was still in the picture, but, nevertheless, we worked through it and set a date a year later to get married, which we did. The wedding was small, but lovely. I later found out that my husband was still in touch with his ex-girlfriend, but he claimed that they were just friends. I spoke with her after we got married and she did not know that we were married. But she stated that they were no longer together because she noticed that he wasn't leaving me.

Three months after our marriage he celebrated his 30th birthday. I found out that he was still messing around with the same girl. I noticed he started to treat me differently and the interest level was totally different. He wouldn't call as much and whenever I called him in Jamaica, he was too tired, too busy, working, driving, etc to talk to me which was very unlike him. I even noticed his tone was different. Now he doesn't call at all and if he does, it's only if he wants something or to know why I don't call. I told him that this relationship wasn't working out and he acted as if he didn't care. He just said "well, it's a part of life", a very common phrase that he likes to use lately. Things have just gone so bad.

Bitter

How does someone so sweet become so selfish and bitter? It has got to the point where I no longer want to be part of this relationship, but I am still married to this man and I feel trapped. I love him dearly, but I am not foolish to waste my life in a one-way relationship. I pray that things will get better because I believe in marriage and wanted it to work out for the right reasons for both of us, but sadly, it seems like there is just no hope for this relationship because of the way I have been feeling. My heart no longer desires this relationship.

Pastor, although my heart is made up, I still seek your honest opinion and advice for my relationship.

J.L., Toronto, Canada

Dear J.L.,

I suggest that you seek the help of a lawyer. You made a mistake by marrying this man. He used you. You should have seen from the very outset that this was not a very good man. You need to be free.

Pastor