Dear Pastor,

I have a problem. I am in love with a guy I have been dating for three years. The problem is he lives in Jamaica and I live abroad. I don't want him to come here because men change when they get here. I am in a good job so I visit Jamaica a lot. I have been in this country over 20 years and I see how Jamaicans act when they get here. They treat each other like dirt. This guy never asked me for anything because he has a job.

The other thing that is worrying me is that this guy doesn't have any kids. I, on the other hand, have three kids. I don't want any more kids because my kids are getting ready for high school and college. I am back in school getting my master's in social behaviour and no one is going to let me put this off again.

Pastor, I have prayed about this and now I am asking you whether I am just being selfish about the guy coming here and about giving this guy a child. By the way, I am 33 and he is 30.

M.S., Philadelphia, USA

Dear M.S.,

Your problem is fear. You are afraid that if you were to marry this man, you think you are in love with him and take him to America, he would change. You believe he might run around with other women.

The truth is that some men do run around with other women when they get to foreign soil. But it is also true that some wives try to push around their men when the men go abroad to live with them. Jamaican men don't like to feel like they are being pushed or ordered around. So they seek the comfort of other women.

If you love this man, marry him and file for him to come and live with you. However, if you don't want any more children, and he wants you to become pregnant by him, you might have to drop him. Pastor