Dear Pastor,

I live in Canada. I have been with my husband for at least three years. I met him in Jamaica. He is a soldier in the army. He came up to visit me and gave up his job and came to Canada. I also sponsored him in Canada, so he would be able to stay here. I thought he was the best man I had ever known. I am a single parent with three teenagers. I wanted the help around the house and he was cooking, cleaning, fixing things and painting, which I appreciated. Afterwards, my children told me he was trying to pick up their friends, and then they started to dislike him and started to disrespect me. I had to ask them to leave.

Real colours

After they left, he started to show his real colours. He started breaking things and smashing the house, furniture and threatening me and hitting me when we got into arguments. I tried to get him help with counselling which didn't work. We are separated now because he is charged with mischief and assault. I am still seeing him because I love him and I am hoping God will change him because I know he needs help. My husband states that all his life he saw his father breaking things in the home and acting the way he is now acting. I need help to make a serious decision. This man has an anger and rage problem.

Pastor, what can I do? I have also taken him to church with me several times and the pastor in the church has prayed for us. We are constantly arguing because people are telling me he is involved with other women. He is also 12 years younger than me.

C.S., Ontario, Canada

Dear C.S.,

I believe that you truly love this man and that is why you married him. I don't know if he got married to you because he loves you. Did you put your children out because of this man? Didn't you believe that they were speaking the truth?

Husband or helper?

What is the real purpose of marrying this man? Was it to have him cook and clean and wash? Oh, I know that if a man is not working and is at home all day, he should do these things, but he shouldn't be expected to do them all the time. Why didn't the teenagers clean the house?

I wonder why this man felt that he had the right to abuse you. You were quite correct in calling the police on him. And, you should not do anything that would cause the police to drop the case. These men will have to learn that they should not abuse women at all. You cannot force him to become a Christian or even to go to church. You can encourage him. And, perhaps you should ask the judge to compel him to go to anger-management counselling. You should not take risks with this man because you may never know whether he has it in his mind to hurt you.

Pastor