It happens so often and yet it keeps happening again. Two parties in a relationship or marriage would naturally give things to each other. When the man gives to the woman, there is generally a presumption of advancement but it does not mean that the woman can recover every cent given to the man.

Below is the story of a young woman, who is 22 and in a marriage with twins. Her husband is drifting away, or better yet, being pulled away from her.

This is what she has to say: "I was just reading an article published in THE STAR in regards to divorce. I'm not sure if you are able to give me advice, but I'll give it a try.

Cheating

I have been in a relationship with a man since January 2002. At that point, I was 16 years old and he was 24. I migrated to Florida, while he remained in Jamaica and we continued our relationship. In March of 2007, we decided to get married. At this point, I was 15 weeks pregnant with his twins. I recently found out that he was been cheating with a woman, who lives in Canada, and his mistress has contacted me about a divorce. In months prior to this, when I spoke to him about getting a divorce, he refused, but I guess he is ready at this time. I have no problems with that, as he has made it clear that he does not love me and he doesn't want to have anything to do with these babies. His mistress also made it clear, in an email, that he was only using me to pay his bills.

I am now 22 and he is 31. Throughout the years of our courtship, I provided him with thousands of dollars, clothing, musical equipment etc. I have taken care of him financially.

What can I do and how do I go about this divorce? Is there any way I can get back even a portion of the money that he has taken from me?"

Since you are now living in Florida, I am sure that there must be provision in the United States law for you to be divorced abroad. However, if you wish to have it done in Jamaica, you must make contact with a lawyer in Jamaica, who will start the process for you. You should also talk to your lawyer about maintenance for the children and also to provide your husband with access to the twins, so that their father may have some contact and relationship with them, if he wishes to do so.

With respect to your divorce, except in exceptional cases, you must be married for two years and be separated for a year, which can be part of the two years. In your case, it seems as if you have to wait until March 2009 to file the petition. The law makes provision for you make an application to seek permission to file the petition, before the two years, but I believe permission is only granted in exceptional cases.

As to the money and pieces of musical equipment given to your husband in good times, from the information presented, I believe that you might have difficulty to recover all or any of the money or value of the musical equipment.

Loan vs gift

In any situation, whether it is just a relationship, marriage or otherwise, money intended to be a loan, and to be repaid, should be paid over with special arrangement for repayment. It should be clear to the person receiving the money that it was loaned and not just given in the normal course of the relationship. In fact, whenever possible, you must ensure that the person signs to receive it with some indication that it will be repaid by a certain time.

Finally, let me say that it is sad that your husband and his new lady have treated you in the manner described but you are young and must learn from this bad experience, so that you can avoid a repeat in the future. Your bad treatment should also be a warning to the woman in waiting. Keep strong and hold on to your dreams.

Keith N. Bishop is an attorney-at-law and partner in the firm of Bishop & Fullerton. He may be contacted by email at knbishop@gmail.com or by text at 779-2871.