Dear Pastor,

I have been having problems for the past four months, but because I can't do better than this, I have to cope with the situation. I am a 27-year-old woman who has three children and am pregnant with the fourth. Last November, I met a man. We dated a lot and spoke on the phone for hours at nights. To tell you the truth, I was a hot girl back then. I stayed home in the days and took care of my two children (that I had at the time). In the nights I went out to enjoy myself with my friends playing pool, poker, went to casinos and also gambled. But since I met this man, my life has been in jeopardy.

PREGNANT

I got pregnant for him in December. He treated me well in January and February, but after that he cursed me, hit me and even ran me out of his house. He has a lot of women and whenever he goes out in the nights, he doesn't return home until 3 or 4 a.m.. He goes out and has sex with the girls and hangs out with friends when I need him more at home. He doesn't even pay any attention to me and this is his first child. Every day when he comes from work he brings home a pack or two of condoms. And when I ask him what are they for he says in case his friends need them, he has to give them. He thinks I am stupid. His friends drive taxi and some are from abroad and you mean to tell me that they can't buy condoms for themselves?

I feel lonely sometimes. Whenever he wakes up in the mornings, he leaves to buy breakfast and he doesn't come back until in the afternoon and leaves me here to die of hunger. He just doesn't care about me and this child. He only cares about himself and the girls he has outside. I am the only one who puts out any effort to purchase baby stuff. He doesn't give me a dollar to purchase anything. I am so ashamed of myself to see that I was going to school and I allowed this man to take me up, get me pregnant and then stressed me out and now turns his back on me, leaving me on my face.

DIRTY HABITS

I am so stressed over this man and his dirty habits. It's killing me. Sometimes I don't have anything to eat to keep up my body and I have a very low blood pressure which can kill me during child birth. He is not here for me now and he will never be here for me. I am going to pray and leave him alone. Then he will see who will wash his clothes, clean his dirty house and cook for him (sometimes).

Pastor, please, tell me what to do?

K. F., Clarendon, Jamaica

Dear K. F.,

Evidently you didn't know much about this man before you became intimate with him. He must have spent some money on you and with you when you first met him. He changed after you became pregnant. Some men are like that. They ignore their women totally when they are pregnant.

I am sorry to know that this man is cursing you and not providing for you at all. I hope that your friends and relatives will help you to buy stuff for the baby. I hope that you will be able to get yourself a job soon as you feel that you are strong enough to work. Many mothers leave their children at the nursery before they go to work and pick them up after work.

In fact, this man would have to learn to do his part as a father. You know he has not been showing you any love, but I hope he will show love to his child. It is going to be difficult for you, but with the help of God you will not only survive, but you will get ahead. You will have to leave his home and if he insists that you do so, go in peace.

Pastor