My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We were separated for seven years but got back together and tried to make things work. We recently had our first anniversary, marking the renewal of our vows, but I had to call it quits again when the same situation popped up. I told my husband that we needed to spend some time apart until he is sure of what he wants. I told him he could take as much time as he wanted and that I would be there whenever he decided he needed help.

He drinks on a regular basis and comes home drunk every single day. This causes fear in our home, and I am concerned about the impression it has on our nine-year-old son. I even went to the police station to take out a restraining order. We separated when the kids were toddlers, so they were never exposed to his behaviour. I am hoping that they can't remember his behaviour.

Excellent provider

My other son is away at boarding school, so he is not exposed to too much just now. My youngest son, who is presently at home, asked what I was going to do with his father - if I was going to kick him out of the house or let him stay. I asked him what he wanted me to do and he said whatever I wanted. I am not sure what he meant by that. I really don't want him to be depressed, and I don't want to put him in a situation where he is forced to choose between the two of us, because I know he loves his dad who is an excellent provider, when he is not drinking.

My husband and I decided we would try to work on his drinking problems, as he said he wants to be with us. Even though I feel he agreed to get counselling just to be with us, I've decided not to waste any time wondering, especially when he said I am to make the necessary arrangements. He is a very private person and I am wondering if you have any suggestions or can recommend someone for us to see.

I love my husband and want our marriage to work, and I am not ready to give up.

E.H.

Dear E.H.,

If your husband agrees to go for counselling, I suggest that you make the arrangements right away. And, I also suggest that you try to get him to join Alcoholics Anonymous. They are listed. I further suggest that, whenever he is going to the meetings, you accompany him.

Pastor