Dear Pastor,

First of all, I would like to congratulate you on the tremendous work you've been doing. You are a man of good morals and one of my role models. May God lovingly bless your soul. I am 15 and really need your advice on a situation that is bothering me. I have no one else to talk to. I have good family and friends but they wouldn't understand.

Two months ago I started a 'relationship' (good friends - no sex) with a 23-year-old guy I find myself mostly attracted to guys in this age group. He's a nice person but, at times, he can be jealous and impatient. I know he cares for me. His heart tells me so.

I have a problem that is troubling me greatly. Pastor, regretfully, I am not a virgin. I met a guy who was 22. At the time, I was naive and lonely. This guy told me he loved me. After six months, the relationship ended. About a month after, I was raped, but that tragic ordeal didn't stop me from having male friends, even though it was hard for me to trust guys. I felt used by the 22-year-old, but I still loved him.

Lot of lies

About two weeks ago, I called my ex and wished him a happy birthday. That was where I messed up. I told him a lot of lies, saying that I wasn't involved in a relationship and so on. I don't know why, but I did. I started to play a game with the two guys. They knew nothing about it until a few nights ago. That was when the 23-year-old found out.

Both guys called me at the same time. After answering the call from the 22-year-old, I placed him on hold and then took the call from the 23- year-old. I placed the second call on hold and returned to the first. The 22-year-old was upset at what I had done. I told him I was speaking with a friend and would call back later. He got jealous and angry and threatened to break up with me if I didn't conference the call. I did and they both spoke. The 23-year-old admitted to us being "just friends". I guess he didn't want to argue. I also knew I would lose him.

Sexual relations

The thing is, I really love both guys very much and I would not like to choose between the two or lose any of them. I miss the 23-year-old very much but know it would be hard for him to trust me again. The 22-year-old took my virginity and I am finding it hard to lose him. It took me over three months to get over him and now he's back in my life and I don't want to get hurt again.

I don't know what to do. Please, I am not a child. I am a young lady growing into adulthood. I am not involved in any sexual relations with the two. Please, give me an adult-to-young-adult advice for you are much wiser, and blessed by the Anointed One.

Please, instruct me on what to do.

K.T., St. Catherine, Jamaica

Dear K.T.,

A 15-year-old girl should not put herself into these sorts of problems. You may think that you are mature and able to handle big people's responsibility but it is obvious from the things you wrote, that you are not. These men have taken advantage of your innocence and used it to their benefit. It is clear that you lack guidance and supervision. You started much too early to have sexual intercourse. I am sorry, of course, that you got raped. But, you made yourself appear cheap by having consensual sex at a tender age. And, that is most unfortunate.

Adequately prepared

You should be concentrating on doing well in school, so that you are adequately prepared for the working world, instead of concentrating on men and the issues associated with them.

You played into the hands of these two men by having a three-way conversation with them. Now, you believe that you must fight to retain them both. Oh, how sad to hear a 15-year-old girl speak this way? If you don't change your attitude towards men and life in general, you are going to be used by them and will develop a bad reputation.

May I just remind you that these men who have had sex with you can be arrested and charged with carnal abuse. Legally, you have not reached the age of consent and nobody should have sexual intercourse with you.

I beg of you, learn to change your behaviour and drop these men as intimate friends.

Pastor