Greetings to you in the mighty name of Jesus Christ our soon coming King. I have a problem that I would like your advice on. I've been with a man for almost 13 years. We met as pen-pals and begun visiting each other. He then decided to move to my parish to live with me. He got a job as a security officer and we began to live together.

The problem is that he is a very good liar. Two years after his parents died, he asked for a transfer from his office. He told me he was living in Kingston. One day while at home with me (he usually comes home every two weeks), his phone rang but he refused to answer it. He finally answered it and then hung up. He left the house shortly afterwards but did not take the phone with him. It rang after he left and I answered it and asked the person who they wanted to speak to. A lady came on and we began to talk.

His woman

She told me that she is his woman and that they live in Manchester. She told me where he works, as she spent one week there with him along with his daughter and nephew. She also told me that whenever he leaves to visit me, he would tell her that he is going to visit his brother in Kingston. When she calls him he would tell her that he is at his workplace and can't take the call. He lies for the simplest of things and has a lot of childish behaviour.

He will soon be 41 years of age and still unsure of his life. He is also a spendthrift. I used to handle his credit cards, but most of them have been cancelled. Whenever I try to talk to him about them, he would say that I talk too much. He even purchased furniture on credit but stopped short of fully paying off for them. As a result, the furniture company seized the furniture.

He tells me we cannot break up and when I ask him why he said that, he tells me to try and see, as I am easy to take away.

Can't make love

The other problem I have is that he doesn't know how to make love. I don't enjoy sex with him at all. I only did it to please him. We are no longer together. I recently visited his home and he told me that he had a DVD player and would like some shows to borrow. When I got to his house he didn't have electricity, a television set or a DVD player. No water or electricity is at his house. His next door neighbour supplies him with electricity. He has also been fooling around with her.

I am very perceptive and when I advise him on certain things, he always wonders how I know what I am talking about. While I was at his house I had to use paper to fan. I took back home my DVD player. He borrowed $5,000.00 from me but he only repaid half of the money. He refuses to pay back the rest. Shortly after I returned home, he called asking for money to buy deodorant and kerosene oil. When I refused to loan him more money as he had got paid, he used indecent language to me, so I hung up.

Borrow money

Because he knows that I save, he tries to borrow money from me on a regular basis saying he works hard and so has to have plenty to eat. When I don't give him money he uses indecent language to me. I told him that whenever a man loses respect for a woman he will tell her whatever comes to mind.

He has no reasoning ability. He gave me his card to send money to his daughter but because I refused to loan him money, he cancelled the card. He doesn't call me as much as before and when he does, he often claims not to have sufficient credit.

He doesn't call if I am sick nor send me any money to go see a doctor; but as soon as he is sick, he'll call me to look after him. I used to fool around with another man, but stopped 5 years ago after deciding to be faithful to him. It's shameful to see the type of women he has been with, although no one is better than the other.

I have asked him to move on with his life. I cannot be bothered with him anymore. I spent 9 years with one man and 13 years with him and they were all waste of time. His mother told him before she died, that she hoped his relationship with me would be the last as he was not lucky with women.

Taking advantage

I have decided to give my life to Christ and won't let anyone stop me. I live alone with my only child and don't think I want another man in my life. I don't believe in being with more than one man and have always forgiven him when he does wrong. I did this only because he would help me with my affairs, but I believe he is taking advantage of my kindness. He is 6 years older than me. My sister doesn't think that we should be together as he will never change: "a leopard never changes it spots, only its colour when it gets old".

Thank you for reading my letter. Please give me your advice.

M.,

Dear M.,

You are not losing anything by ending the relationship with this man. From the very outset when you came to realise he was a liar, you should have ended the relationship with him. But you tried to help him. He has let you down. You are a progressive person. He is not. Don't lend him any more money and don't shed any tear over him. He will never make a good husband. On the other hand, don't take the position that you would never have another man in your life. Don't judge all men by the standards of the 2 men you have had in your life.

Pastor