I write seeking your advice. I am 43 years old and have been struggling with a burning question for many years now. My husband and I got married over 18 years ago in Clarendon at the Salvation Army Church in May Pen. When we got married, we were both young and in love and had a daughter. We now have two other children. My problem is that when we got married we did not obtain a marriage licence before the ceremony. The captain assumed we had a licence as I told him we did, believing that my husband-to-be had obtained one as he had promised. We were married in July 1990. My question to you is are we legally married?

No proof

I can't shake the feeling that I am not legally married, as I don't have any documentation to prove that we are. We did not apply for a marriage certificate. All I had in my possession was the paper handed to me by the captain, which had my signature, that of my husband and our witnesses. I cannot send you a copy, as my husband destroyed the paper three years ago in a fit of rage.

I am disappointed in myself for not doing the proper thing. I was young and did not know any better. I need your advice on this urgent matter. May God bless you.

M.P., Toronto, Canada

Dear M.P.,

There are different ways under the law in which a person can be married. One can be married after obtaining a minister's licence or a special marriage licence. One can also get married by bands. After the bands are published, the ceremony takes place and one can say he/she is married by a marriage officer's certificate. There are other ways by which a person can be married. Other persons are licensed to do marriages, such as a civil marriage officer, and provision is also made under the law where a person who is dying can get married without having to wait for a long time.

I don't buy that

You claim that you told the captain that you had obtained a marriage licence, believing that your husband-to-be had done so. I don't buy that because the captain would have demanded that it be given to him before he officiated at the wedding, and he would have had to state on the marriage register and on the marriage (duplicate) register by what means you got married. Salvation Army officers are not fools and they have to follow the law if they are marriage officers.

From time to time people call me and tell me all types of stories about marriage officers, such as what the marriage officer did not do, etc. But they do so because they are disappo- inted in their relationships and are seeking loopholes to get out of the marriage. I am not judging you, I am only making a point which I believe is relevant.

Talk nonsense

If you have been married for 18 years and your husband tore up the certificate that the captain gave to you, which you described as "the paper", you should have gone to the Registrar General's Department and apply for a copy of your marriage certificate, and the matter would have been settled in your mind.

Some people are confused. They seem not to understand that there are different ways a person can get married, and instead of asking the marriage officer or calling the Registrar General for information they talk nonsense.

Pastor