Massive what a gwaan? Mi a tell oonu say deh week yah get off to a good start! From "Portmore Comedy Crack Up" come straight back, mi a laugh! But today ah Club 300 wid RDX (artistes of the month) mi say! Yellowman, Magnum Girls, Pennybling, Keiva, D&G dancers, Gary Chucks, Skeptic and nuff more! Woi, what a party! Di whole a oonu big up oonuself! Suss time! Link me pon hotgalcherry@hotmail.com.

AGAIN AND AGAIN NUH ALWAYS GOOD

Mavado

Now mi hear dis big controversy bout Mavado So Special nah come pon BET cause dem a say too much alcohol and woman a dance in deh! I nevah hear such a ting inna mi life! Look how much rap video show dat an more pon a regular basis! But hear mi now massive, dis a my big problem wid Mavado now: him caan stop sing TuPac song dem? Mi realise say yuh a one TuPac fan, cause mi ah one too, but yuh muss stop di foolishness now! Di people dem did tell yuh already fi change one previous song when it did go international cause ah did TuPac ting, now yuh come back wid it inna "Again and Again"! Yuh nuh tink we recognise di line wha say: "Forever weary, my eyes stay blurry for friends in the cemetary" from inna TuPac song wha name "My Block"? Why dis a happen so often wid yuh? Mi shock when mi hear di song and loeth and beholdeth a you dat again at it a put yuhself inna more drama! By di way, since yuh a such a TuPac fan, mi ah assume yuh muss know say TuPac nevah do one rubbish interview yet. Him extremely bright and articulate like dat and di ongle time yuh actually mek sense ah when yuh sing. So mi juss a say since yuh a try buss international, yuh might waah consider start sing inna yuh interview dem.

POOR FOREHEAD ALMIGHTY

Some talk a mek pon di international scene say di songstress deh wid di rapper. Mi really need fi know if a true cause it wudda sticky pon har man out yah. How him wudda feel fi know say him shove out him ex-woman only fi tun back roun an inna di same situation? Mi ah tell yuh bout "come back roun". It look like him need fi cut deh hair deh! Hush.

ALMOST GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

LA Lewis

But what a piece a stress a tek L.A. Lewis! It start look like future generation ongle go know him from wall paint! Nuh juss di odda day mi see him dung yah ah wi party inna all white wid white rod like him a shepherd? But massive, di more distressing ting is dat one next stress might soon tek di man! Smaddy link one INK memba an mek har know say she did go police bout him already! Mi say what a stress inna mi lef breas! Di complainant a come dung yah wid har paper work and police name who she did rep ort it to and puuuure tings! Lawd!

SIZZLING TURMOIL

Have mercy! One woman can full a drama so? How she hop-skotch from one radio station and go one nex one di oddah day and a stir up stress fi di ress a radio disc jock dem? How yuh go tell management say di man who hold di best slot aftah di real big man pon di station, nuh fi play too much young artiste? How nobaddy a go buss inna di bizniz den? Babes, juss go wuk and do wha yuh supposed to do. Cause look how long nobaddy nuh hear bout yuh or see yuh from yuh lef di show. Juss go easy and low yuh co-worker dem who build di station. Yuh ah "juss come see". Dats why when some a oonu look dry and barky like Miss Matty wrap ovah toenail, mi nuh look pon oonu! Oonu too torment and won't mek people strive! Torment! Ah dat mi say.

LAUGHTER MI SAY FI '09

Mi say a di fuss inna one long time mi laugh so much! Massive, mi laugh so till mi nearly urinated maself. Mi say when mi see Ity come on like Mavado and Fancy Cat deck out inna him army wear like one half tonne Addi, mi laugh till me fake eyelash nearly flick off! Truss me di show sell off! Pale Face, Elva, Raga, Pretty Boy Floyd, Gunther truss me, oonu ting really a shot deh year yah. By di way Blakka, di way how yuh invite me, mi tink mi wudda see yuh ah di show. Tanks still. And fi all a di people dem who always a send email to me say mi muss come a oonu party, mi nuh have no problem, but obviously if ah one private event wid oonu family and fren dem and one strange smaddy oonu nuh know, show up, as Kaboom wudda say "ponder, ponder" who dat cudda be. Please, big party and event only. Lawd!

Fancy Cat (left) and Ity performing at the Portmore Crack-Up.

MI WAAH FI KNOW:

Vegas un-retire again? Babes, juss mek ONE stay an done. But wi cyaan afford one annual retirement party! Recession wi say! Demarco really split from him manager Shane? Massive tek care! See oonu tonight!