Dear Pastor,

Congratulations on the wonderful work that you are doing to help people.

I have known this guy for about two years. We have been very close friends since then. He had his girlfriend and I had my child's father. Both of our relationships changed and now both of us are single. We leaned on each other for support. We began dating and since then everything changed. We have become lovers for the past eight months.

His ex-girlfriend left him for a policeman. She is now having problems with the policeman as he beats her constantly. She calls my boyfriend daily with her problems. As it turns out, her current boyfriend and her father cannot get along. She lives with her father and brought the policeman to live there too. They quarrel everyday. She told my boyfriend that she wants them to be good friends. She has even told him to tell me hello, and she asks how I am doing. I did send hello in return. But, if the truth be told, I am not comfortable with these calls that he is receiving from her and I have told him so. He let me know that there is nothing to worry about as he does not plan to go back there.

sex life

I told him that she is trying to come between us and he needs to tell her to stop calling his phone. I just don't like the idea. She has a man in her life that she can share her problems with, she does not need to be calling mine. My boyfriend told me that she said that she does not want to settle down and it seems her man complains about their sex life a lot. She does not like having sex and denies her boyfriend of this on many occasions. Now, you tell me, pastor, isn't a good relationship based on good sex?

I now see that when my boyfriend and her were involved, whatever happened, it was her fault because my boyfriend is "good to go." The love was too strong between them. He said that they lived together for two years and have been in a relationship for five years. While we were just friends, I would tease him and although I knew without a doubt that he had a tender spot for me, we never once got intimate while he was with her. I teased him to find out the type of man that he was - in other words, 'would he cheat on his girlfriend?' was the question which I was asking. But he passed that test with flying colours and we remained friends until we are now lovers.

soft-hearted

Our love is strong for now and I pray that it remains as beautiful as it is. He is very caring, honest and soft-hearted. I love him so much. I let him know that I am not saying that he and his ex should be enemies, but she has hurt him deeply and he needs to remember that. She lied to him about her mother being ill, moved out to go to be with her and only to call him some weeks after telling him to move on with his life. She stole his money, and cleaned out his bank account, all because he trusted her. I am the one that had to calm him down, letting him know that what goes around must come back around. She knows that he is soft-hearted and I have to ensure that he does not get hurt again.

He is now saying that he wants us to have a child together. He has a daughter who is eleven years of age and he now feels that it is now time for another. I told him that it was too soon and that it is something we need to plan towards. The two issues relating to that are: one, financially it has been rough; and two my mother is filing for me. I have explained the second obstacle to him but he says that if and when I do leave, he will not have a problem keeping our child and taking care of him/her as he has done it with his first child. He did a wonderful job as his daughter has blossomed into a beautiful young lady. I love him dearly. Can you please give me your fatherly advice?

S.S., St. Elizabeth

Dear S.S.,

I believe that you always had an eye on this man. You always wanted him to be your man and you finally succeeded. Why haven't you said why you left your ex-boyfriend? And, do you expect me to believe that this young woman just walked away from a wonderful relationship that she had with the man who is now your present boyfriend? I don't believe that at all. Nevertheless, I wish this man and you well.

Pastor