DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR. AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. TELEPHONE: 929-1667/8 EMAIL: PASTOR@JAMAICASTAR.COM

Dear Pastor,

Please help as I am a heartbroken 25-year-old woman. I left Jamaica when I was 15 to live in the United States. I am unable to travel because my papers are not 'straight'. I try not to share this information with too many people. As you know, you can't trust many people. However, I met this man in his late 30s when I was 20 years old. He was the most respectful man I had ever met. We dated for a while and it resulted in a five-year relationship. I felt as though this man was my soul-mate, someone I could share all my wants and needs with. I told him of my situation and he promised to help me.

terminated pregnancy

He has his green card but if he gets a government job and starts paying taxes he can become a United States citizen. He would then be able to marry and file for me. The problem is he has not lived up to his promises. He has only worked for two months in the last five years and is unable to find any other job. He has cheated on me constantly and has lied to me too. I stayed with him because I was truly in love with him and wanted a future with him.

The first year of our relationship he gave me an infection. He cried and begged me to forgive him. I did and we moved on. I am ashamed to say it but I got pregnant by him on three occasions. The first time, I terminated the pregnancy; the second time, because he got locked up for driving without a licence, it stressed me out so much that I started bleeding and had a miscarriage; and the third time was in 2009. We talked and planned to have a child together, even though I was the only one working. He promised to get a job and take care of his family.

The first month of the pregnancy was extremely difficult and I experienced every symptom in the history of pregnancy, but got through it. He was there for me and went with me to my appointments, but soon after he started to neglect me. He did not call me for two weeks and was not sleeping at his house. I had no other way to contact him as his cell phone was disconnected. I was depressed and I cried daily. I had no support around me and could hardly take care of myself, worse I was in the predicament of not being a United States citizen. Reluctantly, I terminated my pregnancy and I am now even more depressed and I still cry a lot. I know that what I did was a sin, as I grew up in the church and was a true Christian.

disappointed

I often pray, asking God to forgive me and help me to move on and make better decisions in my life. I am disappointed in myself, as I miss my baby so much. My boyfriend has since called me back but I told him it was over because he walked out on me and his unborn.

I am so hurt. This is certainly not the kind of life I want to live. I'm a respectful young woman, who doesn't put herself out there as so many others have. I trusted the wrong man and now I have a scarred past. I need some help or advice. I still love him very much and would be lying if I said I do not miss him and want to be with him still, but I keep telling myself I deserve better.

too trusting

Pastor, I am very ashamed of the things I have done and I pray God will deliver me from it all. I hope one day I will meet a man who appreciates a good woman, loves me and wants the best for me.

S., New York

Dear S.,

I am sorry for you. You meant well but you got messed up. You are too trusting and you became desperate because you would love to get married to someone who is legal in America, who would help you to become legal too. That caused you to become emotionally involved with a man who was not caring. You overreacted and terminated your pregnancies twice. May God help you.

You have to learn to put this man behind you. He is not a good man. I know you say that you still love him, but he is not behaving as if he loves you. End the relationship with this man. Start going to church, read your Bible and pray every day. Ask God to open opportunities for you and in His own time provide you with a good man. I will be praying for you. May God bless you. Don't forget to pray daily. please associate yourself with people of God.

Pastor