I always think one thing when I see a dog chasing a car. I wonder what him plan fi do with it if him ketch it. Would he bite it, fight it, attack it or car-jack it? Yeah I'm weird. But dogs are weirder. They chase things that they can't manage. Dogs pursue cars even though their driving skills are poor or non-existent. That's like me chasing girls.

When I heard that a man tried to hijack a plane in Montego Bay this week and wanted the pilot to take him to Cuba, I naturally started wondering things. I wondered what would`ve happened if the pilots acquiesced to his demands and took off from Montego Bay, only to find that the Cuban airport refused to make them land?

I also wonder what exactly the gentleman intended to do if he'd really got to Cuba. I imagined them offering him an extended stay at the special resort that George Bush built in Guan-tanamo for terror suspects. Mainly though, I was wondering 'why Cuba?' If the man wanted so badly to escape his life in Jamaica why him want to run to the nearest country? And if is Cuba you want to go, why pick a plane full a people when you could hijack the nearest fishing boat and avoid the inconvenience of an airport?

theatrical flourish

Years ago, I was traveling to Miami for a show with my brethren Bello, and we experienced some major delays because one gentleman working at a US airport had no sense of humour. The officer had sombrely asked us 'Do you have anything to declare?' And with expert timing and theatrical flourish, Bello raised his right hand and intoned 'I declare all men are created equal!'Well the customs officer spent the next two hours or more demonstrating to us precisely how funny he found that statement and exactly how much equality we had.

We were stripped, fondled, prodded and probed. We had every cavity scrutinised and every crevice checked. And after a full body examination and a lengthy physical investigation by a person who was neither his doctor nor his lover, Bello did not really feel quite so equal anymore.

Yesterday I felt very equal with all my fellow travellers as I took my shoes, belt and jacket for the people at Toronto's Pearson Airport. The door frame still greeted me with enthusiasm so I removed watch, wallet, coins, pens and cellphone from my person then had my entire being scanned with the hand-held detector.

The same day, I also got frisked by officers at New York's Penn station. Tomorrow, I'll endure more of the same as well as being sniffed by dogs at Miami international. I go through all of this so I can travel to the exciting place called home - a place where a man managed to leave his yard and get all the way onto a plane at the airport with a gun!

high-quality vegetable

The incident with Bello happened in those days when the worst they expected from us Jamaicans was either the possibility that we might be transporting some high quality vegetable matter or the probability that we may overstay our welcome - or both.

In these post 9/11 days, and with that recent debacle in Montego Bay, every local traveller going to get 'fraid'. Tomorrow, when the airport officials in Miami ask me where I'm heading, I was planning to tell them Cuba, and then shout 'hi' to my imaginary friend named Jack but mi almost sure dem wouldn't laugh!

box-mi-back@hotmail.com

'Yesterday, I felt very equal with all my fellow travellers as I took my shoes, belt and jacket for the people at Toronto's Pearson Airport.'