I am having a problem. I have had a boyfriend for the last two years. When I met him, he was working and then he lost his job. Late last year things got so rough for us, sometimes I can't make two ends meet. When I do get my salary at the end of the month, I have bills to pay, not to mention paying the driver of the bus that picks up my kids from school. He has one child, while I have two. His grandmother helps him out with his son, so it not so hard on him to find food for his son.

What I don't like is that he says, he can't get a job, 'so wha mi fi do.' I don't like to depend on anyone for anything. The fact is that I have a man and yet I can't get help from him. If I say I don't have any money to go to work next week, or for the kids, all he can say is "my girl, mi not working, so wha mi must do?" Does he want me to turn to another man for help? I love him dearly and he loves me too, but I wonder if it doesn't worry him that he has a woman that can't depend on him for anything. But yet every night he wants sex. When I get home from work, if I don't go over to his house, he will get upset. If I don't have sex with him, it's the same thing. Sometimes I just pretend that I am in the mood for sex and just let him 'come,' then I just go to sleep.

struggling

What I am saying is that he is not working and sometimes I need help, I have no one to turn to and I have a man in my life. I love him but sometimes I think it would be better if I am alone and struggling, than with a man (that should be playing the role of a man) and still be struggling. I really love him and I don't want to leave him, but I really don't know what to do. I keep telling him that he can't depend on his grandmother to take care of his responsibility. What should I do? I await your advice.

T.W., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear T.W.,

I am assuming that before this man lost his job, he used to help you financially. If he did, it would be tough for you to walk away from him now that he is unemployed. Please do not think that I do not understand that life has become burdensome now that he is not working. The bills have to be paid and 'one hand can't clap'.

responsibility

You have two children and he has one and although his grandmother helps to support his child, the responsibility is mainly his. If this man and you were to be married, you would have a family of five. A man who is not working cannot support a family of five. And a single woman would have to get lots of help to do so.

You are in a dilemma. You have to be very understanding of his situation, but at the same time encourage him to seek a job every day. If you do not, he might become complacent and take you for granted. You shouldn't give him the impression that you can meet all the bills.

This relationship is much more than a sexual relationship but right now this man has nothing more than sex to offer. Try your best to help him get a job. He should be willing to do just about anything that is legal. I wish both of you well.

Pastor.