Dear Pastor,

I read your column daily but this is the first time I am writing to you. I am 23 years old and I have been with this guy for almost three years, on and off. I love this guy a lot and he loves me too. He thought I was in the relationship for money because he would constantly tell me that he is poor and doesn't have anything to offer, but I told him that I don't love him for what he has, but for who he is.

We enjoyed every moment we spend together. Before this, we used to argue about the least little thing. I admit I nagged him a lot because I heard things about him, but he would deny them all when I ask him.

The problem is, he is very jealous but doesn't show it. Whenever he hears things about me he would argue with me and when I answer him, he would beat me up and call me a cheater. I remember he told me once that someone said that they saw me with a guy. He asked me about it and I told him that it wasn't me. He boxed me and said I took him for a fool. He took out a knife and said that if I continue to play him for a fool, he would kill me.

I broke up with him for that. He would constantly call my phone, but I would ignore the calls. He sent a text stating that if he sees me with any man, I should watch and see what would happen. A few weeks went by and he called and said that he wanted to see me to talk things over, so I went to his house and we talked things over and made up. Once again, the arguments began, so I decided to break up with him; but before I could do so, he broke up with me. He said that the relationship was not going anywhere, so I needed to find a man and move on. That was exactly what I did.

crying

A couple weeks went by and when I was at my new boyfriend's place, he called and I told my new boyfriend to answer, which he did and then passed the phone to me. He asked who the guy was and I told him that he is my new man and he said that he wanted to see me. I told him when I had the time he would see me. I went to his house the other day and he began to cry and said he loved me and didn't want to lose me.

Pastor, he flirts a lot and I know it, but regardless of that I love him. Tell me, what should I do?

A.M.

Dear A.M.,

You are not a wise girl. To be frank with you, you are a silly 23-year-old. And you don't love yourself. From the very first day this man physically abused you, you should have ended the relationship with him. He took out a knife and threatened you, yet you went to his house after that incident. I repeat, you are not wise.

Now, you have a new boyfriend and this man is shedding 'crocodile tears'. You shouldn't have even gone to his house again. This is not a man you can trust. You are playing with your life. This is a man you should keep away from. You shouldn't need me to tell you so. But, since you asked, let me put it to you straight. Don't go back to this man! Use common sense. He's not a good man. He's trying to soften you up. He's a controller. If you fool around with this man, he will physically hurt you. It's just a matter of time.

Don't call him, don't answer when he calls. Don't go to his home or anywhere with him.

Pastor