Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship for the past two years. This has been my longest because I don't usually like to be in relationships for so long. When I first met this person, I was so happy because everything seemed to be what I wanted.

We enjoyed each other's company so much and not a day went by that we would not call each other. He knew how to take a frown off my face because I don't usually smile. I knew how to make him laugh. It was so good but things started to change. He's strongly influenced by his friends, who tell him what to do and when I tell him that his friends are not good enough for him, he gets very upset.

act tough

He's not very expressive when it comes to showing his feelings emotionally. He prefers to act tough. But when he can't handle it anymore, he blames me for his problems and makes it seem as if I am the problem when I'm certainly not. He takes everything his friends says and acts on them and that makes me look guilty. When he does anything that is wrong, he makes it look as if it's nothing. He has done so many things you wouldn't imagine and after all these mistakes I'm still with him. At one point, he showed that he loved me and then at another, it's as if he's afraid to show how he feels.

uncertain place

As I am writing this letter, I'm uncertain of my place in his life. Recently, at times he doesn't trust me and I don't trust him. Even though sometimes, I know where I stand, but sometimes I don't. I'm confused and want to help him get over whatever it is that is bothering him. But then, I say, maybe I'm wasting my time. I love him very much and he loves me. But sometimes I think he doesn't appreciate the fact that I see beyond his faults and just love him for who he is. I feel like I'm in a boat by myself and there is no one in the sea to help me. When I hear my friends talk about their men and the nice things they do for them, I have to remain quiet.

I don't know what I've done wrong. Can you give me your opinion, please? I need to know what to do, I'm getting really frustrated.

A.S.

Dear A.S.,

Evidently, you really love this man because, in the first paragraph of your letter, you stated that generally you are not in a relationship for so long. This relationship is rather complex.

This young man and you perhaps need professional help. You have given a list of complaints. And by so doing, you are showing that you are confused. Therefore, I suggest that you tell this young man that you would like both of you to go and see a family counsellor.

Pastor