Pastor,

Big up on the good work you have been doing. I have been with my girlfriend for about five years. We have a two-year-old daughter together. Since the birth of our child, our sex life has gone to the dogs. Sometimes, we will only have sex twice for the entire month. She is always complaining about being tired or "she can't be bothered right now". I have spoken to her about this on several occasions but to no avail. I have asked her what the problem is and she has said nothing. I am at the end of my rope.

The worst part about this entire thing is that everytime we have sex, I am the one who makes the attempt. I feel as though I am the only one who wants to have sex. Our relationship is good otherwise but sex is destroying us. I am awaiting your advice.

M.G., St Catherine, Jamaica

Dear M.G.,

Perhaps your woman is tired of living in concubinage. She loves you but she feels used. Perhaps she was not ready for a child but it happened so loves her child. Just living with a man and not married was not what she bargained for.

What I am trying to tell you is that something is not right. Have you considered that she might not be enjoying sex as you thought? She consents, sometimes, to have sex with you because she doesn't want to upset you or she feels she cannot do better. It is not just a problem with sex that you are having. Both of you are not communicating well. She is not telling you what she should tell you and you are getting frustrated but she has been frustrated for a long time.

May I, therefore, suggest that you suggest to her that both of you should see a family counsellor for professional help.

Pastor