The fanfare, excitement and fabulosity traditionally associated with Mother's Day was visibly absent from Father's Day. Mi neva see the streets lined with teddy bear baskets and goodies and di big 'I love you' balloon dem at all.

When Mother's Day a come people all sleep pon roadside wid dem goods 'cause dem know seh even a one sale dem mus get. So where has the love for father's gone - is it that as a society we are demotivating our men and not appreciating them when they do well? Do we badger them too much or is it that most do such a poor job of being good fathers that there isn't anything to really commend them for? Could it be that the good fathers are so few that fi keep up big bashment fi dem don't mek sense?

I believe that what is due to Caesar yuh fi gi him and in recent times mi notice seh more men are stepping up to the plate. Mi see man a walk wid dem baby, a push dem inna 'pram' and all have up baby bag on his way to the clinic fi ketch a early number. Mi really like fi see a responsible father contributing positively to the life he helped to bring into this world.

a rock and a hard place

I think that the struggles are many and some men are caught between a rock and a hard place. Some may not have the financial support to fund the child or due to the breakdown in relationship between man and woman the child is used as a pawn to spite the father. But it begs the question when women withhold the child from the father who they are really spiting. if you are not financially secure should one bring a child into this world?

Some are of the view that being a dutty fadda is reserved only for men in the garrison and whose educational background may be limited but a lie dat. Mi waan tell unnu seh some a who inna jacket an tie an have all kinds of letters in front an' behind dem name and should know better, are worse than some who not even graduate from basic school! Nuff man weh deh a dance a floss wid how much bokkle a liquor and a use it fi wash dem shoes fi impress hot gal dem pickney a dead fi hungry! Yuh have some man wah eat di best and wear the most expensive clothes yet when a time fi dem send on money pon dem yout is like dem a tek operation without anaesthetics!

Some a dem pickney can't even go to school on a regular basis because of lack of funds yet they drive the most expensive vehicles. Yet there are those good fathers who will ensure that their child is well taken care of - clean, fed and sheltered before him even think fi buy himself a ice-mint. A nuff man inna di ghetto a good father who look out fi the welfare of their child hoping that through education they will lead a better life and break the cycle of poverty. Though some may not be able to help with homework or pick up the child in a hype car, dem mek sure dem ever present fi carry home dem pickney pon dem bicycle!

It is unfortunate that we seem to live in a society which is not stringent enough in chastising the wutless puppa dem. Instead the society is pre-occupied with what people do in their bedroom, spend too much time hypocritically a bun dis an a bun dat, yet not blazing a strong enough fire against sperm donors.

irresponsibility

Sometime mi not even blame the man dem too much as many women help to perpetuate and enable the irresponsibility of men. They have knowledge about how careless a man is with his other children, dem know him nuh gi dem nutten yet dem run gone have one fi him and then turn roun cuss the man - cuss yuh eediat self cause the man neva send call yuh! From yuh deh wid him an him nuh seem ambitions or caring, why bother subject an innocent child to the mess? I guess some women have no ambition either, so just about anyone can come plant a seed.

It is important that we nurture our boys into well-thinking responsible fathers. The problems in Jamaica will not be eradicated until some semblance of integrity and honour returns to the family unit. The matriarchal home has become increasingly prevalent and tries to fill the gap where the fathers should be and though many women have done a superb job of raising their children single handedly, I'm sure they would welcome the emotional, psychological and financial help of a father.

Big-up to all the good fathers across the world and those who've been a disappointment thus far try and salvage the relationship with your child. It may be too late for some but no one can fault you for trying. Good fathers are not only a luxury ... they are a necessity.

Please email your Talk Di Tings Dem topic to misskitty@gleanerjm.com