Dear Pastor,

I have been meaning to write you this letter for a while now but so many events have occurred to hinder me. I will be 20 this July. As the years go by, I try to learn as much as possible from my past mistakes.

I was once intimately involved with a guy from Trelawny, whom I loved dearly but due to several reasons, including my infidelity, our relationship was torn apart. There were so many struggles between us, such as the distance between our houses, neglect and both of us taking each other for granted. It was not easy for me to break up with him, but, I did. I had to in order to have peace and happiness. Since our break-up, we have become great friends and I truly appreciate and admire that.

living together

Presently, I am seeing a guy from Westmoreland for some four months now. I have met his family and he has met mine. His mom and grandmother have accepted me and have taken me in as a part of their family. My boyfriend has mentioned to me several times, that I should come and live with him. However, I am not convinced that we are ready to live together.

My saying no to him has caused problems. But my main reason for saying no is simply because he constantly plays games. He keeps sending naughty text messages to other girls and just recently he told me that he has been talking to another girl behind my back. When he told me about this I was shocked and became angry. He said that "if that is the result of him being honest, he will never be honest again". The reason for my being upset was frankly because his so-called honesty is nothing but a contradiction. In my opinion, if someone decides to come clean and be honest about doing something that is wrong, it must be for the purpose of needing to change one's wrongful way.

I have tried to be patient with him, since in both love and life, you have got to crawl before you can walk, then you can run. I keep wondering if my patience and waiting on him to make the transition will be worthwhile or will I live to regret it.

Please give me your fatherly advice and guidance.

S.W., Westmoreland, Jamaica

Dear S.W.,

In the first place you were quite correct not to consent to go and live with this man. The relationship between both of you should grow and you should get to know one another very well. Then, he should propose to marry you but not to live in concubinage. He is behaving as if the love he has for you is strong but at the same time he is fooling around other women. So, there is, indeed, a contradiction in his behaviour.

Try your very best not to be used by this man. Don't believe everything he says to you about loving you and having you as his spouse. He has not proven himself to be truthful, so never let your guard down. Walk carefully, my dear.

Pastor