I am a 21-year-old man dating a woman of the same age. We are both final-year students at a prestigious university in Kingston. I decided to write to you because I wanted to get your advice on the relationship. We have been together for four months and I am definitely looking forward to what the future has in store for us. She is a wonderful person and very good to me. She is everything I could ask for in a woman. She takes care of all my needs and assists as best as she can within her capacity, emotionally, sexually, financially and educationally, as we both pursue the same major.

We agree that it is indeed silly to be arguing about petty stuff when we don't know what else life has in store for us. However, it has become obvious that she is growing tired of the arguing, likewise I, but we can't seem to avoid getting into them all the time.

screening calls

I must also mention to you that we engage in activities in our relationship that some persons say are not healthy, namely screening phone calls. I admit this because I cannot seem to trust her male friends because of an experience I had with one of them. Another factor that contributes to my dislike for them is really, I don't know them! She has similar concerns with my female friends where she thinks that I talk to them too often and she doesn't think that they are just friends. She doesn't think she can talk to me (because I always think I am right) and I can't seem to talk to her because I never seem to get straight answers or responses, sometimes I just feel like I am talking to myself.

Despite all this, my love for her is not distorted. I try to show her in every way how much I care about her, in an effort to keep her interested. I see myself getting married to her in the near future and as such, I'm seeking your advice as to how you think we could go about making our relationship healthier and more meaningful to the both of us. We fear these arguments might just escalate one day and just lead to our breaking up and hurting each other (which neither of us want).

Please tell me how I can stabilise my relationship. I do not want to lose her. Thank you!

R.B., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear R.B.,

The relationship with this woman will eventually break up, if the both of you don't learn to respect each other's privacy. You do not have a right to know everything about her because both of you are intimate. You have gone too far, much too far. You are behaving as if you have the right to control her. Get real, young man! You don't have to know every move she makes and you do not have to approve every male friend. Be a man! Be a big man! Grow up! Right now you are behaving as a boy. Stop harassing the young woman or else you may lose her.

Pastor