Baby Cham - File photos

Massive mi a tell yuh say di memba dem of Church of Fellow Sussites International in Zion We Are Redeemed, big up di whole a oonuself! Mi owe oonu some big up don't? Brother Damion (USA), Sister Latoya (Jamaica), Germaine (Miami), Franky (St. Ann), Lauren (Virginia), Nadine (JA), Barrington (JA), Mark (JA), Andre (JA), Nordia (London), Pinky and di Diamond Goodaz (Trelawny), Angela (St. Kitts), Matthew (JA), Natalie (Georgia) big up oonuself! Puuure tings oonu keep up deh week yah! Wooooi! Every time mi check mi mail mi nuh stop keel ovah wid laughter! Di res a oonu nex' week mi sen' on oonu hailings. So link me pon hotgalcherry@hotmail.com. Suss time!

GROUPIE TELLS ALL

People mi laugh so till when mi go pon one overseas website and see deh story yah. A one site whe groupies talk bout di different artistes wa dem deh wid and how it did happen and if dem did like it, blah, blah. Mi say people! One of our own artiste finally mek it pon di site. Mi when deh read di story an a pray say nutten too freaky nuh gwaan cause mi nuh know how him wudda defend di gangsta ting out yah again. So glory be, ah just normal 'rated XXX' information if oonu know wha mi a say. Di groupie say how she know him uncle and she did get some ticket fi go a him show and she meet him backstage, whe dem do some likkle grindin' dance an ting an him ring him phone from hers fi get di number. Henheewhoo, she say she hurry up an go home go titivate cause she know him go call har, and allegedly him call and she go him hotel.

People! Mi cyaan describe wha she say inna di people dem decent paper, but memba mi told yuh, mi laugh so till! My girl have di description of everyting dung to di 't', or rather, 'm'. Woooi! Den she a say when she a lef she get US$200, one t-shirt and him CD. Mi a tell yuh say all di smaddy who own di site haffi a say di girl get een some serious PR inna di ting a talk bout him song wha did a play, wha mark pon di T-shirt and pure tings. But wha me nearly keel ovah from, a when di US people dem start comment. Some say di story a lie, some a ask a who him be, if a one new dance craze name so? Some jus a say dem cudden go sleep wid him nuh matta wha di way him reach one nex' level ah huuugly. Dem serious! But wha me waah fi know is, ah how di alleged 'main' woman feel? Aftah she wage Internet war, breed, no have no education an all dese tings? Frowsy much? As far as me concerned, both di 'main' woman an di paid one, a straight groupie.

A WHA DO DEM?

Some likkle scavenger bwoy nuh have nutten fi do wid dem time or wha? Wi tiyad fi tek off di link bout which corporate people allegedly gay offa wi facebook group an page. A wha wi look like dung yah? Wi nuh kya who waah participate inna sword play enuh my yute. An yuh obviously tek it fi granted say wi naw track yuh! An jus incase yuh slow like dat, we did. Yuh come now ah put up big link to one chart wid arrow an all sorta ting bout 'it is not meant to be malicious' and 'they are gay, look at their tight clothes', then yuh go even further fi a put di link to di people dem facebook. Yuh frowsy eeh? Yuh haffi tek it well personal fi a go to dem level deh everytime wi delete it. Jus move on an find smaddy else. Lawd. Nuh put no more ah dem ting deh pon di page cause as mi say if wi a find so much bout yuh, di nex' step a jus fi find you di individual. Wi nuh waah know wha a gwaan inna dem part a di worl' wid dem people deh! Keep dat to oonuself.

MI SOLVE DI 'BLACK-ER' MYSTERY

Black-Er

Massive, onu wudda pleased fi know say mi finally know why Black-er come fi have deh 'different' shade a black deh! Di odda day di man drive eena Tropical Plaza and come outta one likkle Toyota Fit and loeth and beholdeth a one nation a man start stream outta di car. Wha mek so much a oonu squeeze up inna di one likkle sinting? Black-er yuh nuh realise say when yuh a drive yuh haffi a siddung pon di window ledge an carefully balance pon di door hangle den a backle sun and wind a beat yuh inna yuh face? Yuh nuh realise? People mi laugh so till mi haffi cross mi legs and clench! Black-er ah so yuh nice? Yuh cyaan tell yuh mighty warrior dem say di A/C and quarter inch a seat nuh enough fi di whole a oonu? If yuh naw go protest, at least wear sunblock and di head-umbrella dem fi protec' yuh when yuh a drive an hang offa di door hangle babes.

RESPECT

A how some man come a talk bout man mus' respec' dem woman, but fi him way fi respec' di one wha him have, a fi hide and cheat? Mi guess a one variation a respec' dat. A like Ragga did ask one time pon his show, 'does hiding and cheating mean it is more respectful to your partner'? Mi guess deh yute deh ansah a 'yes'. My yute, mi link a laugh an a say, him nuh undahstan how yuh a move like one phantom so. Last week yuh go movies wid di brown one and deh week yah yuh go wid yuh bona fide dark-skin woman, and anytime yuh go, yuh cyaan siddung inna di middle or front, yuh haffi a hide rounah back. Den before di show hardly done good yuh haffi a rush out like yuh deh pon curfew. An lookyah, yuh a get discount fi a go movie so often or wha? Mi did tink man did stop keep more dan one woman yah now since a recession wi eena. And by di way, we know say yuh woman start hear say yuh a gih har bun, so mi nuh quite sure how long she go feel 'respected'.

BAD GIRL WHO NEVER WENT GOOD

Some gyal juss need fi tun di spokesperson fi one bed company enuh. A wha do dem? How she a move roun wid so much artiste? It nuh feel a way fi all deh a studio and go buck up har selector man a chat to di artiste she deh wid? Some gyal jus frowsy out di ting so. She nuh fraid di 'main' man wha everybody know say she deh wid plant him foot pon har if word evah reach him say she deh wid di artiste? Den if dat fi happen, mi sure she ah go to di media wid so-so foot, foot, foot, foot, stamp all ovah har like dutty carpet fi show di evidence. It wudda sad, but not so sad. Di careless ting jus' nuh look right my girl! Yuh conscience nuh bodda yuh fi know say yuh a tek di two man money and deh wid di two a dem inna dis yah small entertainment circle yah? Mi know nutten nah gwaan fi di nex yute and di artiste hot yah now, but mek up yuh mind an lef one an deh wid one before drama reach yuh my girl

DI DANCING TIP

Okay mi get di tip bout di dancer people! He har were deported, so dat har why no matter how much class him lecture, how much him come pon show, he har were not can't get no visa fi go back a foreign. Dats why mi ask if him do summen or commit a crime or wha? Cause nobody cyaan deh go uppa visa office and get tun dung soooo hofteeen fi no reason. So hear mi now my yute, fi di love of God stop go up deh, cause it can go one of two ways. Is eider dem go mistake yuh fi one employee up deh an ask yuh why yuh always a lef yuh employee ID ah yuh yard, or dem go ban yuh. Lawks.

Mi WAAH FI KNOW:

• A who really tief di LCD television dem outta Sabina Park? Mi jus a ask, mi NAW STATE!

• How some artiste cyaan mek headline fi dem work but dem can mek it tru controversy? Jus' ah wonder.

• Di pastor who nuh stop sell di poor people company food get reported yet?

• How Cham a go so hard wid him new song? Him tek a break inna Miami and a go hard fi summer and pure tings.

Latah massive! (Mi link, nex' week mi drop deh church suss deh.)