Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I started living with my boyfriend from the age of 17. At the time when I moved in with him, I was still going to school, but that did not pose a problem. We went everywhere together, except to school. He bought me whatever I needed and he treated me well.

But, recently he started behaving strangely. He has been getting some late-night phone calls and he takes these calls right in front of me. He speaks to the person on the other end as if he is speaking with a lover.

breaks his neck

When I ask who he is speaking with, he says that she is just a friend of his. I know he is lying because I have seen the way he acts with most girls. Sometimes, when we are together and having a discussion, he breaks his neck to see every sexy lady passing and 'psssts' after them.

her private

I can recall once when we were walking, this little girl who he knows was passing in a tight short shorts and he put out his hands and touched her on her private. He then said to me, "Chuh man, ah weh di stinking gyal a rub up pon mi fah!" Mi sey, pastor, ah jus' cut mi yeye afta him and walk lef' him. From that day, I realised that he does not respect me.

On other occasions, he curses bad words at me in front of the neighbours and calls me nasty names. Then later in the night, he goes out and does not carry me and returns home very late at night expecting to make love to me. Sometimes when he comes in late, I try to hug him, but he gives me his back and says that he is tired. He doesn't even want to hug me back in return.

Please tell me what to do. I cannot take it any longer. All he does is cheat, lie, and disrespect and beats me. He beats me whenever I delete one of his girls' numbers out of his phone. Right now, I do not have much love for him, although he has promised me that he will stop beating me. But I know he will do it again. He won't change! Sometimes, I wonder if he loves me, but I think he does, but in his strange way.

Why is he like that, pastor? What can I do? Please advise me on what to do about him.

S.H., St Elizabeth, Jamaica

Dear S.H.,

Do you know why this man continues to beat you? It is because you are willing to take it. If you had him arrested, and the police had locked him up for a few days he would have come to realise that you are not afraid of him. But, because you have allowed him to go free, he feels that he has the right to abuse you as much as he wants at any time.

poor background

I don't know why you are living with him. Perhaps, you come from a poor background and your parents do not have enough space to accommodate you at home.

But, I must tell you, my dear, no good parent loves to hear that his/her child is being physically abused by a man. It is time that you stand up for your rights. If he does not want you, he should tell you so, and you should move on.

I am going to tell you that you are correct. He will not stop beating you. So, you are going to have to learn to defend yourself whenever he raises his hand. I don't want you to get into trouble, but what I am telling you is called self-defence.

I don't know how long you have in school, but if you believe that he will change, call a family counsellor and make an appointment for both of you to see him/her. But, right now I do not see any future for both of you together.

Pastor