Dear Pastor,

I read your column and found it very interesting. I have a problem and I would like your advice. I have been living with my child's father for eight years and we have a four-year-old son. My babyfather has no respect for us.

Whenever he is ready, he answers his phone right in front of me and don't even care. He goes out whenever he pleases. When I say to him, "Let us talk about our son," he is not interested. That is because he got another girl pregnant and she has the baby. She doesn't care about my son.

Whenever she needs my child's father he must reach her and their child and forget about my son, who I had long before she came in the picture.

money for our son

Whenever he gets his pay, he hardly wants to give me money for our son. Sometimes my son cries because he is hungry and I don't have any money to buy things for him. I have to pray to the Lord and read my Bible because it seems like the Lord is not answering my prayers.

I am a woman who never let my man go hungry. His clothes are always clean and his house is well kept. That is what I do for him but it seems like he doesn't appreciate what I am doing for him. I am not in the relationship for money or looks.

change his dirty

I love him and care about him a lot. I wish our relationship will get better each day. I wish he would change his dirty ways and be loving, kind, honest, sharing, understanding and romantic and spend time with his son by showing him love and attention. I also wish his other babymother would understand herself. Sometimes I feel like I would write a story about my life being with this man. There is a lot more but I just want to keep this short.

I am asking for your fatherly advice. Thank you.

A.E., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear A.E.,

I could understand why you would want to blame the other woman who also has a child by this man. I would ask you to desist from doing so because you do not know whether this man told this woman that he was living with you. So often men lie and they don't divulge whether or not they are married or living with women. Often they swear that they are free and don't have any women or children.

Then too, even if this man has a child with the other woman, that should not cause him to let his child at home go hungry. A good man does not allow his child to go to bed hungry. He provides for his household. Even when things are hard and he is financially embarrassed, he would rather go hungry and provide for his child.

operating as a helper

Perhaps you love this man. Yes, you have indicated that you do. You have been with him for eight years but you are operating as a helper. You have said nothing in your letter that will make me feel that you have a future with him. I believe that you should prepare for the worst. One of these days, he is likely to take his belongings and leave.

If you believe this man loves you more than the other woman, and that he would go with you for counselling, call a family counsellor to make an appointment to see him/her.

Pastor