Dear Pastor,

I live in Westmoreland where I have been dating this guy who I now call my man. We have been together for seven years. We were together throughout my leaving primary school and going on to high school. Now I have left high school and I will be 20 years old very soon.

He has been trying to get me pregnant for some time now, but in the past I had a miscarriage, while in high school. This was caused by both our carelessness because he didn't tell me I was pregnant when he got me pregnant. Because it was my first time having sex, after he ejaculated in me, I did not know that he impregnated me. So I was in my mother's bar drinking the rum raw and "chasing" it when I later found myself bleeding for 6 - 7days. I saw my menses afterwards. When I spoke to him about this, it was then that he told me that I was pregnant. I was devastated.

contraceptives

He never wanted to use a condom most of the times while we were having sex and because he's my only partner, I said okay, but I started taking contraceptives to prevent another miscarriage. I have now left school and I want to get pregnant for him, but with no success. I made an appointment to see the doctor but because of financial problems, that visit never happened.

Now when I miss my period for months, I begin to think that I am pregnant, but then my period comes. It is so painful to want a baby but not be able to produce it for your man. I want this baby before starting college or nursing school. He has cheated on me and I have cheated on him too, but in the end, we both reconciled our problems and put it behind us. But this baby situation hasn't been resolved. I am fat and that makes me wonder if it could be a cause of my problem. I plan on going on a diet to lose my stomach weight.

treating me differently

He wanted to leave the country to go and reside in the United States, but thought I would have got pregnant. So, he changed his plans but once again, he is re-considering going abroad. He now looks at me and has started treating me differently. I feel so useless to my man.

I would like your urgent response, please, as I have been holding this in for a long time. If I give him this baby, he/she will be his first child. He has said that he wants a child from me and no-one else. He is 25 years old. We have quarrels every night. We both live together but I went back home because I can't take the arguments anymore.

Please, tell me what to do.

S.M., Jamaica

Dear S.M.,

This man and you are talking about a child as if a child is a toy. You are in no condition emotionally, mentally and psychologically to be a mother. You have a long way to go. You are 20 years old, yes, but that doesn't mean that you can handle motherhood.

And your boyfriend should stop pressuring you to get pregnant because neither of you can take care of yourselves much less a child.

Both of you need to find a family counsellor and have him/her teach you how to relate to each other and what is involved in parenting. Both of you need to have a good education or skill before you seriously consider becoming parents.

Pastor