Dear Pastor,

My very first love who I embodied within my soul was the first and last person to break my heart. She haunted my imagination at nights. I would go to my bed and stimulate my thoughts of passion and ecstasy for this woman. She made me a promise ... never to let go of what we have together. But sadly, this was a promise in my life that was broken, that tore at me for one year.

The first time we looked upon each other was electrifying. Her beautiful hazel eyes and her warm smile captured me. I was so enthused by this attractive young lady. We were both badminton players and it was a delight for me as I enjoyed this sport and now had something more to look forward to as she played it as well. We spoke and learned much about ourselves and the backgrounds of our lives. It was with this first meeting that I felt something began to shift within me. It was like a spark of interest that made me want to know more about her and be in her company. We had hit it off right there as she felt that same mutual stint that was so pure and true.

We communicated now and then as she lived in deep rural St Catherine and went to school there so she didn't come to the corporate area often. I lived in St Andrew and school was there as well so I never ventured to her neck of the woods. But, our hearts weren't distant as they pulsated so near, yet so far. I wrote her beautiful love letters expressing my love. I would lay on the floor with the candle light flickering pouring my feelings into words on paper as I listened to sweet R&B music.

Her mother was adamant of her staying home and not leaving to come to Kingston and she wasn't to interact with males. She had strict parents who adhered to church policy and made their feelings known throughout the community. So for 11 months I endured not seeing her at all. It was rough on me, but I remained faithful to the love I felt for her and had no other female as a love interest in my life.

Her mother found out

After she graduated from high school, she was to attend a prominent school in St Andrew so my heart was so grateful for this freedom. For four years we went steady. Her mother found out about our relationship and somehow got the number to call my mother and tell of this blasphemous relationship that was happening. Her mother quickly took her out of the prominent school and enslaved her near to home where I was not to see her as I was warned not to "step foot" up there. It was hurtful for my love and I and it would be five months before I was to see her again. We spoke and I constantly wrote her letters. I made music for her and burnt it on a CD and posted it all to her. I felt so alone and the more I thought about her, the more I grew to love her. I remembered her promise to me though ... we will always be together forever.

my tragedy

After those five months and I saw her again my world was filled with joy and happiness. But this meeting we had would be my tragedy. She had come to tell me she could not be with me anymore. The pastor of her church told her she must be true to the church and find a man within its counsel to marry. I was shocked and I looked at her still with hope. But in her eyes, as the tears slowly began to flow, I knew I had lost her to this ruling. She told me she was sorry it had to be that way, as her parents wanted it that way, and she was obligated to them and the teachings of her church. My heart dropped and I felt a heaviness succumb unto my body and spirit.

I held her hands as my own tears began to flow and told her please not to leave me. I fell to my knees and I looked upon her begging her to believe in us and not to do this. I also said, "You promised me we would always be together." She kissed me one final time on my lips as her tears and mine met. She then pulled away from me and left me there. I was torn as I saw her board a bus to go home. People looked at me as I looked down on the pavement, torn and abandoned. My heart was shattered and my nerves were so badly messed up.

This was my first love ... the person I did so much for and all I asked was to be with her. I was confused, angry and scared. I rose up and went home. The days were bleak and I lost weight. I couldn't focus in school. I wrote her and called her, but there was no reply. I was disheartened. It took me 12 months to get over her. Twelve months to stop repeating her name in my head. A promise I believed in by working hard to be a gentleman and making sacrifices for was broken.

I always tell my friends experience that beauty of love and live your time basking with it as it is a beautiful gift God has bestowed in our souls. One Love, One heart!

J., New York, United States

Dear J.,

My friend, take heart, some relationships were not meant to be. You have moved on but you cherish the memories of this young woman. Everything must be left in God's hands. He knows what is best for every man and woman.

Pastor