People what a gwaan? Some tings can happen inna life, yuh really haffi laugh! Ah how people tan so? Bwoy mi an Mucho Mucho shock till wi cudden stop laugh! Mi ah go dive eena di suss right away, because dem people yah nuh easy a backfoot! Link mi pon hotgalcherry@hotmail.com.

UPTOWN PSYCHO?

Mr Ugly Boot man, wha exactly yuh job be? Who yuh be? Mi nuh know wha mek yuh feel yuh betta dan nobaddy fi a drive go up ah di university when vampire a roam an a drive roun di campus like him smell blood and di security nuh fi stop him. People dem stop him and simply ask why him a drive roun so much. And a puuuure tings, all a ask dem if dem nuh know ah who him? Ah shudda mi tan up deh! Mi wudda ask him fi kindly gih mi one moment mek mi look eena mi: Most Wanted list; mi Entertainer list; mi Jamaica company CEOs; Politician list; Supermarket Grocery list; mi Church bredren list; mi Pickney Classmate Parents' list; mi Enemy list, and ah so mi wudda have him out deh while mi look till sun come out an bun him to ashes!

Inna dem time yah nobaddy mightier dan nobaddy? Apparently yuh tink sey cause yuh and yuh wife have X6. Mi need fi know yuh occupation, because mi notice whenevah dem have yuh eena pictuh dem can't even gih yuh one title! If a did one man from Rema! Heh hey! When police and soldier done swarm dung pon him family and him new house uptown like killer bees, wudda haffi wondah if a Bin Laden cum itch up side ah yuh as neighbour! So who yuh be?

ANNEDER PSYCHO

Mi need fi know if some a dem people yah normal! Di air too thin pon di hill? It look like oonu start get brain damage up deh. Lawd have mercy. Now imagine; undah one decent, decent story inna di people dem decent papah, one smaddy send een one comment bout how di woman fi stop tek married man, and dis time she walk an mess wid di wrong wife because she ah plan fi har. Oonu can imagine? Oonu really a try send threat tru di people dem decent papah? Oonu did expect wi fi publish it?

Den it get wuss people. Di woman deh pon one long piece ah cussin bout di different way dem she go deal wid di matey; and people, please memba mi say ah big big corporate people dem yah enuh. Now oonu tell me now, how wi fi react when we go ah road an see dem uptown people yah or inna meeting wid dem and dem a psycho who probably a walk roun wid chain saw ready fi lash out at any moment? No sah, get oonu medication sort out.

WOOOIII MI BADDY! CHATTIE BACK!

Dj Spice

People oonu hear Spice new song, wha name 'Chattie Back'? Woiii mi baddy! My girl respon' to Addi and Sheba song bout 'Do Yuh Back' whe dem call har name and di girl ah say she nuh believe say him and Spice ah did just fren. Mi nearly pop up when mi get di song! Mi need fi know if a true say Addi did really a look har. Di song say she have text fi prove it and him did a beg har fi lef' har Indian. Mi hot badddy! Miss publicist wi need some confirmation pon di mattah! Lawd have mercy. Yes mi waah know if di bed white and di living room paint inna blue! Wooii.

MI NECKSTRING! PLEASE SAY A LIE!

Mi refuse fi believe say Chino an ar actually deh-deh-deh yah now. Mi REFUSE. Mi ah go reject deh piece ah suss deh inna Jesus name and beat it wid lime leaf! Di smaddy who email mi dat, mi siddung a look wid mi jaw ah grung fi di whole day. Is a good ting mi teeth pretty so it nuh look so bad when people a walk pass mi. And she really live pon di premises now? Mi a tell yuh say whatever luck she have, it nuh normal. Mi say if she mek dis drop tru fi har fingah dem, cause we know har eye dem evah a stray, she beyond help. Wi wudda haffi go tie har to di bed and get one priest wid holy watah, one Bobo fi chant, one Pocco fi read scripture fi chase out whatevah a mek har cyaan focus an sekkle. My girl, yuh have one family behind yuh now, one man who ah ACTUALLY di baby puppa who willin fi try wid yuh and money fi do wha yuh want. Go easy. Have mercy mi shocketh!

ADDI AND DI TONGUE RING

Mi nuh undastan' wha mek people muss do dem ting yah den haffi a tun back roun and deny it. Addi if yuh used to have one tongue ring, nutten nuh wrong! (Rolling pon di grung wid laughtah). Smaddy sen' one pictuh wid yuh a do one TV interview and di ring show. So wha di big deal? (Woiii mi a choke wid di laughin). Alright mek mi behave miself. Wha yuh a release song fah bout yuh nevah have none? Yu-hute! We har halready har saw it. So hear wha mi say, only one ting fi do now: juss long out yuh tongue fi show yuh tongue ring and dash out inna di video light and call yuh gal name! Raaaae!