Dear Pastor,

Good day to you. I am a regular reader of your column, and I must say that you have given good advice. I am seeking your opinion on a particular situation. I am a young woman who was living with a man for the past five years. It was my first time ever living with a man. He was working at some point in time, but he has stopped working for quite some time now.

Before I went to live with him, he never told me what I was getting into or what to expect. His child's mother loves to make mischief. She will see me walking on the road, and when I pretend not to see her, she will carry on in an unladylike fashion and call me all sorts of names. I do not answer her when she behaves this way. He knows what she does, but he always takes her side.

beaten me

For the first four years since I have been living with him, she never told him anything about me, but in the fifth year, she has started telling him all kinds of lies about me. He has even beaten me at one point in time for things I knew nothing about. I have been a good woman while living with him. I made sure that he got a well cooked meal, his clothes were clean and everything was to his comfort. I have never let him do anything for himself. All he did was eat and sit by the roadside. I had even planted in his yard every fruit tree and ground provision that one can think of, using his cutlass to weed and plant as though I am a man. Living with him has not been easy; I tried to make the relationship work, but it seems as though I was the only one putting out all the effort.

never cheated

His child's mother continuously told lies on me, because she knew that he would be on her side. I could not talk to anyone on the phone or in person, because if people saw me talking to anyone, it would cause arguments between us. Even when my brothers called me, he listened to my conversations. He is an ignorant person, so I avoided doing certain things when he was around. I have lived with him for over five years, and I have never cheated on him, not even once.

His child's mother has told him on numerous occasions that I have a man. I know myself, and I am not the type to run around. People would tell me things about him, saying he has another woman, but I did not believe them.

Right now, I am on my own. I do not need another man around me because, whenever I get into a relationship, it never works out, no matter how hard I try. When I first met him, I thought my searching was over because at that time, I was looking for a husband.

I need your advice. Did I make the right decision by leaving? And, when he finds out that what he was hearing about me were all lies, if he comes to hunt me, saying he wants me back, what should I do?

C.W., St Catherine, Jamaica

Dear C.W.,

You should have left this man long ago. In fact, the very first day he hit you, you should have walked out on him, even if you had to sleep under a banana tree.

He has used you. You did everything for him because you love him, but he does not know how to appreciate a good woman. By his behaviour, he has shown that he would rather the woman who behaves like a ragamuffin. You have lost nothing by leaving this man.

Perhaps, he may come back and beg you to return, but that would be only to use you further, because he believes that you are simple.

Wait on the Lord, He will provide you with a good husband. Commit your life to God. Trust Him and put Him first in your life.

Pastor