Dear Pastor,

I am a 32-year-old woman living in the United States. The problem that I am having is with a man that I have been with for six and a half years. We also have two children together. The problem is that I think this man takes my love for granted. What I mean by that is, I have to be the one to initiate everything, such as: sex, hugging, cuddling, and most of all saying, I love you, I cannot understand what I have done to this man. All I tried to do was to show him that I cared for him and that I wanted to be with him. But it seems he didn't want the same.

We do not live together. He lives with his mother. But when we used to live together I often found myself paying the majority of the bills. The only thing that he felt he was responsible for was his part of the rent, and that was only because he was living there. There came a point in time where I ended up moving from the apartment I was to another. I realised that he refused to follow me because I guess he didn't want the responsibility, seeing as how we had children together and there were a lot of expenses.

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This man ridiculed me and put me down, but I remained strong and refused to let him do that to me. When he saw that he couldn't get to me he tried different things. He promised that he would let us get married two years after we met and up until this day, there has been no wedding. But, you know, I am happy because I now realise what I would have had to endure.

I found out about a woman that he had been involved with from his workplace. I found out when he gave me his phone to do something on it for him. I saw the text messages on his phone. Of course, I approached him about it, but I did not like the response that I got, so I called the woman. She confirmed that she had been intimate with him. At that point I lost my trust in him and I also realised that that was the reason why he was treating me the way that he has been treating me. I decided to break off the relationship I was having with him.

He came back begging and I took him back only because he promised to never do what he did again. Well, the problem still remains. Even though he said that he would change, I didn't trust him and I would often bring up the fact that he cheated on me. I think because of that he doesn't want to talk to me often. He ignores my calls and makes excuses about the fact that he didn't get any calls from me. I am really fed up with this man and I feel like he is wasting my time. I think he is a liar, cheater, and a deceiver.

Pastor, do you think I should continue with this man? Or should I just break it off, and move on with my life? I need your fatherly advice. Thank you.

M. H., New York, United States

Dear M.H.,

You have stated that you don't trust this man and that you often mention what he did in the past. You also know that this man is not a good provider. He is not a very responsible man. That is why he feels much more comfortable living at his mother's home. Living with you and the children cost too much.

So, I would like to ask you, "Why have you written to me?" You should know that the relationship you are having with this man is not going anywhere, except of course to the 'poor house,' because you should know that is exactly what will happen to you if you remain with him. Perhaps even before you get to the 'poor house,' you will go crazy and you will have to get treatment at the 'mad house.'

See to it that this man supports his children and that's it. When you feel that you should find another man, start dating again, but don't rush into any permanent relationship with any man until you know him well and can trust him. By the way, some men can walk as pussycats for a long time, but as soon as they get what they want, they become abusive. So, be very careful what you do with your body.

Have a Merry Christmas.

Pastor