What a gwaan massive? Mi hope oonu criss and oonu naw mek people an dem problem stress oonu out. Henhewhoo mi have a burning question, so mi go hurry an jump inna di suss. Link mi pon hotgalcherry@hotmail.com. Suss time!

DI (KITCHEN) BURNIN' QUESTION

People, oonu talk di truth if oonu tink mi wicked fi ask dis: smaddy cyaan buy Jah Vinci one new kitchen towel fi tie pon him head? Everywhe mi go ah di same stretch out white cloth him have wrap up him head. Not even if a did pocco church him head wudda tie up so! Mi figget fi say it di odda day. All ah EME awards whe everybody dress up him come wid him head wrap up. Him skin a tear offah him head? Di locks dem sew on to di cloth? Mi juss nuh get it. If him go insist fi wear di cloth, him may as well tun it inna style and ask smaddy fi buy two colour-colour kitchen cloth fi match wid him formal outfit dem. Ah juss so mi see it.

MI SEH SHE UPSET!

Mi say, if I eva laugh! What a way har face sour when she siddung at Youth View Awards and see the disc jock and mississ walk out? Smaddy message me a say she nearly drop offa har chair ah watch di silent drama. Gwaan yaw inna yuh crazy hairstyle, cause yuh muss feel a way fi know yuh did go true all dat and a sleep pon couch cause yuh bruk, and him a wife up miss corporate and buy har vehicle an all dese tings. Hush yuh hear. Mi hope yuh believe inna reincarnation. Pray say yuh come back as one bettah lookin' mango. Mi nuh know whe yuh get deh chin deh from.

BIG SHIP HIRE L.A. LEWIS?

Mi need fi know if Big Ship sign one "write up pon wall contract" wid L.A. Lewis. Heverydaay mi a pass outta Hagley Park Road mi see some baggah Big Ship tings wrote up pon di wall dem bout Big Ship Hell, Big Ship Fire Stick and Big Ship Di G. Smaddy name Hell and Fire Stick from roundah Big Ship? Mi ask Kaboom and she say she nuh know. Lookyah, whoevah a write up, if mi haffi go hire private investigator fi figure out di meaning to oonu message and big up, nuh bodda wid it. Jus write Big Ship alone, or go look wuk and paint pedestrian crossin instead.

DING DONG GET SIGNED?

Mi nuh know if a rumour or wha, but word inna di street is dat from Sean Kingston did come out yah him like Ding Dong music and dem ting deh and him offer him one contract. Mi need smaddy fi tell mi if a really true. By di way Ding, yuh see when yuh a go up fi collec' no award, yuh need fi tink smart. Ah nuh heverybody know yuh face like dat. So if 5,000 man march up behind yuh like ah di movie 300 yuh a film, HOW PEOPLE GO SPOT YUH? Inna photo it can't even caption cause too much smaddy stan' up roun' yuh. Mek dem stan up to di side man!

MR. VEGAS. SPARE US

People oonu hear Vegas new song? When mi listen to di lyrics bout how people ah fass inna him bizniz and people waah tear apart dem love and pure tings, mi ah assume it a come from him life experience wid him woman and how people nuh stop chat dem. Yeah wi talk cause wi mout' light like siff and when wi done chat wi nuh memba yuh and yuh woman. Anodda ting: spare wi wid yuh bitter twitter silly rant dem and den a praise God. Is eidah one or di odda.

WHAT A WAY PORTLAND SHOT!

People, it look like Portland ah di new hot-spot. Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz come fi film movie and mi did tink it did fi be a secret until mi read it inna di paper, cause dem did ah run whe paparazzi who go hide inna sand like crab an' all dese tings and have odda people a sign confidentiality agreement. So mi nuh know. Henheeway, since everyting can chat now, mi waah big-up Amy Whinehouse who drop een dung ah Portland right aftah Tom and Cameron lef, and is not fi no movie. Yes people, Cherry have di link to heverywhe and heverbody.