Dear Pastor,

I am writing this letter with tears in my eyes. After you have read my letter, you may say that I am stupid, but here goes. I met a man last March. We decided to be together, so we started living together in April. During that time I noticed something, but I did not want to assume, so I continued to observe. One night in May, I asked him the question and to my surprise my assumption was correct.

I asked him what his secret was because I knew he was hiding something from me. I saw some pills in a drawer and I assumed he has HIV. He told me he would tell me the truth and he did. He told me that about two years ago before we got together, he went to the doctor and found out that he was HIV positive.

Pastor, it is very true that you cannot tell when a person is HIV positive by just looking at him/her. When he told me, I just looked at him and walked out of the house. I went to my mother and I told her. She told me that I do not have the virus so I should not worry myself. He called me about five times that night begging me to forgive him and to come back home to him. I did not know what to do, so I told him to give me time to think about the situation. In June I went to look for him and he begged me to come back. For some strange reason I went back. I told him that I love him and I would take care of him. I went to the clinic and took the test in August and it was negative. I still didn't leave him, but now I am feeling sorry that I didn't.

He is behaving as though he is the best man in the world. He is acting as if he is clean and ok. And no matter what he does, I should just love him. He is now living in my house and he is saying that he is going to leave because I am not treating him well.

Pastor, I don't know what else to do for this man for him to see that I love him. Everything he asks me to do, I do.

What do you think I should do? Should I let him go or let him stay? Please, help me.

S., Westmoreland, Jamaica

Dear S.,

Only you can decide whether this man should leave or stay. This relationship moved like a rocket. Both of you met in March 2009, and by April you were living together.

This man should have told you the truth from the beginning of the relationship. I believe you feel sorry for this man and, although you say you love him, you will never be totally comfortable with him because you believe he tricked you.

If you decide to remain with him, both of you should visit a medical doctor together and discuss how you can share a bed together.

Pastor