Dear Pastor,

It's often said, "See mi and come live with mi a two different sum ting." How true this is. It works for some people to live together and still go on to get married, but the woman runs the risk of "giving the milk away for free, so why bother buy the cow". You see, men will take it for granted because you are around, cooking, cleaning, and being a wife. If you're doing the duties of a wife now, what will you do later? It is okay if your man is sick to help him out. But when he gets better, the idea you triggered in him is that he needs you around to do these things all the time. You being around make his life easy.

To protect your relationship, it is better not to live before you get married, so the man or woman does not become complacent in wanting to improve the relationship. If you live together now, both of you become too relaxed with the situation. The man becomes complacent in wanting to take the relationship to the next level and the woman has already given up her power by settling for this situation. She digs herself further in the hole because she doesn't want to nag him into committing further without causing an argument and so she settles when she really wants a commitment. She probably thought that moving in was in itself a commitment by him wanting to make it more permanent, but a man's brain does not work like that.

T.,

Dear T.,

I appreciate your comments. There are some women who have been living with men for many years and they would like to be married, but the men are not willing to commit.

Sometimes, it is after their children are adults and in very good jobs that the children encourage them to get married. I have officiated at many marriages that were arranged by children who were embarrassed to let their friends know that their parents were not married.

The neighbours of many of these couples believed they were married. So, these couples don't dress from home, (but, I better not say from where they dress) and after the ceremony, they change and return home as if nothing had taken place.

Thanks for your input.

Pastor